Kaouri18's place

New Fic: Another

2007-05-29T12:41:33Z

Title: Another
Genre: Drama, Angst
Pairing Tsuzuki x Hisoka of course!
Status: One shot [Complete]
Disclaimer: I don't own Yami No Matsuei no matter how much I wish I did...
Summary: There's a new guardian and what's going on...

This story goes from Hisoka’s point of view to Tsuzuki’s, just to warn you. Just a random story I wrote in my free time, hope you like it.

Another

-Hisoka's point of view-

Tsuzuki has been moping. I can safely say that it's starting to annoy the heck out of me. We had a meeting earlier this morning and since then he’s been moping around. We’ve been assigned a new partner, temporarily, basically we’re suppose to scare this person out of working for the ministry. Tatsumi was smart in paring the guy with us, Tsuzuki can driver any sane person insane, like me for example.

-Flashback-

“Tsuzuki, Kurosaki. You will be accompanied by a new guardian. His name is Hiroo, and he just recently joined our ranks. You are to show him what exactly we do. No complaints” Tatsumi said looking at Tsuzuki.

“But Tatsumi!!! We don’t need anyone to come along. They’ll just get in the way.” Tsuzuki whined.

“Deal with it.” Tatsumi said, leaving no room for debate.

“Tatsumi do you really want to pair him with us? We may scare him off.” I said.

Tatsumi smirked. It’s rather scary when he does that. “That’s the point. If we have a new person, it means one more person to watch, to find a partner, to pay… That’s why I’ve paired him with you two. You both should be able to drive him off.”

I was right. Same old Tatsumi. Right about then there was a knock at the door.

“That must be him. Come in! Tatsumi said.

I looked up and saw a man enter. He had to be a little younger than Tsuzuki about the same size. He had dark hair, and piercing blue eyes. Don’t ask me how that happened. He came in and introduced himself as Hiroo, and that he was pleasured to be working with us.

I don’t know what it was, but there was something odd about him. I’m not sure what. He didn’t seem to be a bad person, as far as I could tell with my empathy, but I’ve been wrong before. I suppose I better watch him closely. Apparently Tsuzuki didn’t like him, and began to complain again about having to bring a new person along. Yes. The headache begins…

-End Flashback-

I had finally gotten my first descent sleep all week, and now Tsuzuki’s emotions won’t leave me alone! I can’t stand it; I have to ask him about it.

“Tsuzuki what’s bothering you?”

He looks up from his desk and gives me a small smile. “Nothing, nothing.”

I roll my eyes at that. I can’t stand it when he lies to me. It makes me feel as if he doesn’t trust me, even after everything we’ve been through. It hurts. I can’t explain why it does, but it hurts thinking that he doesn’t trust me.

“Tsuzuki…” I start, but right then our new partner comes in.

“Tatsumi wants to see you Tsuzuki.” Hiroo said.

Tsuzuki gets and leaves, leaving Hiroo, and all of his unshielded emotions, with me alone.

This really isn’t my day….

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Besides the fact that Hiroo can’t shield if his life depended on it, the guy seemed alright. He was murdered by some serial killer and wanted to make sure that kind of thing didn’t happen again. I wasn’t about to destroy his dream but who was this guy kidding?

Tsuzuki didn’t seem to like Hiroo. Every time Hiroo tried to talk with him, Tsuzuki dismissed him. It was all rather confusing. Tsuzuki normally likes everyone, but he didn’t like Hiroo. It was strange….

We finished the case in record time. It was a simple mission really. Retrieve a soul that hadn’t moved on yet. I don’t think this’ll keep Hiroo from wanting to stay with us, but what can Tsuzuki and I do. It’s not like I can make a psychotic murder appear out of thin air. If that was the case, Muraki would be dead by now. Yes… I can dream…

We headed back to the hotel, it was too late to return to Meifu, and so we decided to stay. It was one room, with two beds; apparently Tatsumi didn’t plan on having Hiroo with us. This was going to be interesting….

“No way!” I yell at Tsuzuki and Hiroo, when they ask who I’ll be sleeping with. “You two sleep together!”

Sure Hiroo and Tsuzuki are a lot larger than me, but why am I the one stuck in these situations. There is no way I’m going to share a bed with either of them. I have shared a bed with Tsuzuki before, but that was awkward…I’m not going to go into that.

“But Hisoka you’re the smallest, it makes sense for you to share a bed with one of us.” Hiroo replied.

I don’t care if it makes sense. NO! I’ve been trying to sort out my feelings for Tsuzuki and I doubt this would help. NO. And I’m not sleeping with Hiroo, that would be weird on so many levels. Their emotions are weighing down on me so I go out onto the balcony of the room.

I close the door behind me as I step out into the fresh air. It’s rather peaceful out here, and it gives me time to think. Why has Tsuzuki been acting strange all day? And why do I care so much? I realize that I feel something for him but I don’t know what. It’s all so confusing.

I hear the door to the balcony open and close. I wasn’t really paying that much attention, but then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I look up expecting it to be Tsuzuki but it’s Hiroo instead.

“You alright? You left all of sudden.” He asks.

“I’m fine. Just needed some air.” I reply. There’s something I don’t like about his emotions right now. They seem darker…

“Oh, good.” He replies smiling, while moving his hand down to my hip.

“What are you doing?” I ask. He’s making me a little nervous.

“What does it look like Hisoka.” He replies, bringing me closer.

“Let go Hiroo!” I say trying to move away from him.

“No.” he says. “I’m not going to let go.”

I look up at him. I’m scared. I’ll admit it. Hiroo’s emotions, they’re so similar to that night.

“I thought you would have figured it out. I’m not that difficult to figure out. Even your partner seemed to notice. I guess you’re just unlucky.” He says.

I’m about to retort but he kisses me. The bastard!

I try to push away, but he pins be against the railing, making it very difficult for me to move.

“Hiroo! Stop!” I yell as he pulls back.

“No Hisoka. Do you have any idea how attractive you are? How so many people would die to have you? I’m not one to want, I have. I get what I want, and I want you.” He says leaning in and biting my neck.

“No! Get off of me! Tsuzuki!” I yell.

He laughs. Have I mentioned that I hate it when the evil people laugh? It’s always one of two things: 1. They know more than you. 2. They’re so in control that they can laugh at your helplessness or naiveté.

“Tsuzuki went out for a walk, after you came out here. He’ll be gone for a while, so I have plenty of time.” He says as he starts to remove my shirt.

I try to struggle, but he’s so much bigger than me, that it’s hopeless. I felt myself being guided onto the floor of the balcony. I continue to struggle, but he pins be down with both his arms. He was able to remove me shirt and pants at some point, I have no idea when exactly.

I feel his lips move down to my chest. That’s when I sense it. Those emotions, I know them. They’re so faint in comparison to Hiroo’s emotions that I almost missed them.

“Tsuzuki…” I quietly whisper.

Hiroo looks up from his work and looks directly into my eyes. He had heard. That’s when I hear the footsteps down below. Hiroo does as well because he covers my mouth with his hand.

The look in his eyes lets me know the truth. It’s Tsuzuki, I know it is.

I begin to struggle with a new found energy. Hiroo’s having difficulty keeping me under control. I can’t let this happen. If I don’t do something then…the… That’s not going to happen.

I bite down on his hand, hard. And yell out. “Tsuzuki!!!!!!!”

I know he heard me and I call out again. “Tsuzuki!!! Please!”

Slap

Hiroo hit me across the face, so hard that I can see stars. I don’t’ know what’s happening, but I feel a weight being lifted off of me. The world is getting dark, but as I feel myself being lifted up into strong, warms arms, I know I’m safe as I let the darkness consume me…

-Tsuzuki’s point of view-

How could I let this happen...

I bring Hisoka in and lay him down on one of the beds. I can’t believe what just happened. I should have been there. What if things had gone further? What if I was too late? I knew I didn’t like that guy, I should have said something to Hisoka instead of moping, but… The guy liked Hisoka, my Hisoka. I could tell as soon as he stepped in the door. He had a look in his eyes that said, mine, and it scared me. I thought I was being paranoid, but I guess I was wrong… and now, it almost happened again…it…

-Flashback-

SLAP

I heard a slap following Hisoka’s voice. I realized that it had come from the balcony so I quickly flew up. I didn’t like what I saw at all. Hisoka was pinned under Hiroo, and practically naked. I was enraged. Hiroo looked up at me with a smirk. This was not happening…

He told me to leave, so he could get back to his “business”. HELL NO! I decided to go with my instincts for once and punched him in the face. That felt good. He fell off of Hisoka. I quickly picked him up, and held him as he lost consciousness.

“Leave now.” I said through gritted teeth. “Tatsumi will be informed and you will be moving on. If you are not out of my sight in three seconds, you will know why I’m the most powerful shinigami.”

He looked at me, and really pondered my words.

“NOW!” I yelled. And he ran. He was gone, and right when I was about to rip him to shreds. What a shame.

-End Flashback-

I let my eyes travel down to the youth asleep on my bed. I can’t help but smile at how peaceful he looks in his sleep. I sit down on the bed, carefully as to not disturb his sleep. I gently brush back a few strands of hair out of his eyes. He leans into the touch. I bring my hand away, knowing that Hisoka would probably kill me if he woke up right then. I can’t help it, he’s just so cute when he’s asleep, not to mention when he awake and not yelling at me.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, mainly about my relationship with Hisoka. I know by now that I love him, in a different way than anyone else. It’s more than a simple friendship or brotherly affection. I can’t tell him. No. He’s not ready for that. I don’t want to burden him with my feelings. Besides he deserves someone better than me. He deserves so much more.

He stirs in his sleep. All I can do is reach out and grab hold of his hand, hoping that it’ll be of some comfort. His stirring stops and I let out a sigh of relief. Does he know how much he makes me worry? He turns onto his side and curls up in a little ball, bringing his knees to his chest. It’s sooo cute. I just can’t help myself as I find my head moving on its own towards Hisoka.

Just one little kiss, that’s all. At least that’s what I tell myself. Hisoka would never let me do this if he was awake, but I should, but I can’t help it… This is too much for my mind right now. He wouldn’t mind if I stole one little kiss. Yes. That’s what I decide on.

I lean down and press my lips to his slightly parted ones. It’s just like I’ve always imagined. They’re so soft and parting? Yes they are. Hisoka lets out a slight moan and parts his lips. I should pull away, not go any further, but I can’t help it.

I carefully slip my tongue in. I never would have imagined that he’d taste so…sweet. I love that taste and continue to explore his mouth. Every inch of it is exposed to me. This is what I wanted, what I needed, but no.

I pull away. This is wrong, so wrong. I can’t do this to Hisoka. I just can’t.

“Tsuzuki…?” I hear.

I look up and meet two emerald green orbs staring at me.

“Hisoka… I’m so sorry.” Is all I can say.

“What for?” He asks confused, as he sits up.

What! Is it possible he doesn’t know what I’ve just done?

“Tsuzuki, I know you may be mad at me for what happened. I should have asked you what was bothering you. But no, I didn’t. I’m sorry. And now, when you pulled away… I felt how angry and disgusted you were. I know that I’m not worthy of your affection, and that I’m tainted. But I had hoped…” He trails off as tears cascade down his cheeks.

Okay… I’m confused. He knew, and wasn’t disgusted. Disgusted… Wait, did he just say… Oh crap, what have I done?

I move over and carefully embrace him. He clings to my shirt sobbing.

“Please don’t leave me… I’m sorry.” He says through choked sobs.

Why is he saying he’s sorry? He hasn’t done anything wrong, he never has. What I did was wrong. And why does he think I’ll leave him.

“Hisoka… I’m not going to leave you, ever. You have nothing to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong.” I say rubbing small circles on his back.

“But Hiroo…” He starts. I place a finger on his lips. He blushes. I’m slightly taken back. Hisoka has never been this open before. It’s incredible really.

“What Hiroo did wasn't your fault. It wasn’t Hisoka. I’m not angry or disgusted with you either. I am at myself for doing that to you in your sleep.” I say.

He begins to cry again. Why do I always seem to hurt those I care about the most?

“Hisoka what’s wrong? Please tell me.” I whisper into his ear.

“I knew you didn’t want me, at least in that way. But, I can’t, I don’t know…”

“What don’t you know Hisoka?” I ask, rather confused.

“I don’t know what I want. I liked what you were doing, but I don’t understand.” He says, unsure of his own words.

Okay, let me think this though. 1. Hisoka actually liked me kissing him. 2. He’s confused about how he feels, about me I’m guessing. 3. Man he has a nice ass. Crap! I probably shouldn’t have thought about that last one, being so close to him and all.

But he blushes. Have I mentioned how cute he is when he does that?

“Tsuzuki…” he starts. “What do you feel for me? What do I mean to you Tsuzuki?” He asks.

Okay. Who is this person and what have they done with the real Hisoka? Hisoka is never one to ask about these sorts of things. But… I have to answer right? Might as well be the truth, incase this really is Hisoka.

“Hisoka, I’m sure how to describe what I feel for you. I don’t ever want to see you cry, or be hurt. I want you to smile, to be happy. You deserve to be happy, more than anyone. I care about you, deeper than a working partner or a family member. I… love you Hisoka. You’re everything to me. What I wouldn’t giver to erase your pain and wipe away all your tears. I love you Hisoka. I love you…” I say.

I really didn’t plan on having all that come out, but I guess I can’t change what’s happened. And now it’s all up to Hisoka. Please!!! Please let him feel the same way! Please!!!

I feel his hold on my shirt tighten, and he continues to cry. Now I made him cry again.

“Tsuzuki… I’m not sure what to say. I’m not sure how I feel…” He says. So now he’s crying because he doesn’t know how to respond.

I tighten my embrace. “Shhh… It’s alright Hisoka. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry anymore.”

He looks up at me. His eyes are red from all the crying and his cheeks are flushed. Streams of silver line his cheeks, where the tears continue to fall. I can’t help myself as I lean down and slowly kiss away every tear that graces his cheeks. I pull away and looks up at me. I lean down again and kiss the tip of his nose. He tries to follow me and ends up crossing his eyes. Simple adorable, my cute Hisoka.

“Tsuzuki… I…” I don’t let him finish as I claim his lips once again. He’s stunned for a moment before he slowly responds to the kiss. I project all the love and affection I have for him into that kiss. I know it’s a lot for him, but I need him to understand.

He brings his arms up and wraps them around my neck, parting his lips ever so slightly. I take it as an invitation and deepen the kiss. He lets out a little yelp of surprise as our tongues touch.

I pull away and gaze at a now flushed Hisoka.

“Tsuzuki…” he says.

“What do you feel for me Hisoka?” I ask.

He looks stunned for a moment before responding. “I’m not sure. But I can try…” he looks at me for approval. I nod my head and he continues. “I want to be near you, with you, always. I can’t stand the thought of never seeing you again, or of you leaving me. I care about you; I’m not sure the extent myself. But if what you were projecting was love, then I think that’s it. I… love… you Tsuzuki.” He says, looking down.

I smile, a real smile, not one of my fake ones. I place two fingers under his chin and lift his face up and give him a soft kiss. When I pull away, I embrace him.

“I love you too Hisoka. I will never leave you. But I can’t make you stay. I’ve never had a partner last as long as you, and if you decide to stay with me, I won’t let you leave. If you follow through with this Hisoka, I will not let you leave me. You will be mine forever. Just think before you answer. Will you stay will me Hisoka…?” I ask.

He’s thinking, I know he is. I don’t mean to put anymore pressure on him, but I need to know where he stands, and I’m just being honest. If he agrees to this then he will be mine forever. I won’t let him go, ever. He won’t leave me…

“Tsuzuki.” He starts.

I look straight into his eyes, those eyes that I loose myself in.

“I want to stay with you.” He says.

“Are you sure Hisoka? I want you to be sure.” I ask, making sure that this is what he really wants to do.

“Yes.” He replies looking straight at me.

I pull him into another embrace. “Then you’re mine. I won’t let anyone take you away from me. Even if you end up hating me, I won’t let you leave me. You’re mine now, now and forever. I’ll keep you.” I say into his hair. I feel him nod his consent, as he snuggles against my chest.

I tighten my hold on him, knowing that I never have to let go again. Wait. What is that noise?

I look down and notice that he has fallen asleep. I smile to myself as I lay us back onto the bed. I pull the blanket up over us and shift him so he’s practically lying on my chest. He snuggles into my chest. I lean down and kiss his forehead. Yes, he is mine now. He’ll always be mine. But where do we go from here?

-End-

The Breaking Chapter 7

2007-05-29T12:22:21Z

Title: The Breaking
Story: Yami No Matsuei
Pairings: TsuXHis, MurXHis
Rating: R

Chapter 7

“What did you have in mind?” Tsuzuki asked.

“Well…The way I see it…” She leaned back against the couch. “The primary goal is to get your partner out. The only way we will be able to do that is to surprise Muraki. The main problem is that with Hisoka being an empath, he may be able to figure out that we’re planning a sneak attack. That’s where your shielding comes in. From there all you need to know is that if you can keep Muraki guessing, eventually he’ll drop his guard, that’s when we’ll step in.” she said.

“That’s all you’re going to tell me?” Tsuzuki asked, a little unsure of this plan.

“Yes, That is all I can tell you at this point. I should be able to sense when Muraki drops his guard, and that’s when the plan will truly begin.” Kuri said with a smile.

This is not what Tsuzuki wanted to hear. He didn’t even know the plan that they were going to use, what was he suppose to do?

Kuri looked at the depressed man sitting next to her. “Tsuzuki. I’m not going to tell you everything so that encase your shields fail, we’ll still be able to use the plan. Alright? I trust you, it’s your shields we need to work on.”

Tsuzuki stood, and turned to face her with a determined look in his eyes. “Alright. How can I improve my shields?” He wasn’t sure why, but he trusted this girl. Tatsumi suggested her, so she had to know what she was doing, right?

Kuri smiled up at him and stood. “For the next three days, you will spend the majority of your time with me. I will constantly be checking your shields to make sure that you able to maintain them. Since you’ve been around your partner a lot, you already have rather strong shields. The only problem is that if you lose focus, they will drop. Also we must prepare for the worst…” with that last statement she turned away.

“What do you mean the worst?” Tsuzuki asked.

“How can I say this…Let’s just say that Muraki does something rather explicit to Hisoka right in front of you. Would you be able to handle it?” she said looking at him.

“What…Wait are you saying…NO! There’s now way I would be able to sit there and watch Muraki rape him. NO! There’s no way in hell I’d let that happen.” Tsuzuki shouted, while standing up.

“Calm down Tsuzuki. I’m simply stating the worst. It may happen, it may not, but you need to be prepared. I don’t want that to happen, but if it does, how are you going to react. Are you going to do something impulsive and lose your partner forever? We have one shot at this Tsuzuki, that’s all” she said, raising her voice a little.

Tsuzuki was stunned. He was unable to move from where he was standing looking at Kuri. Was this really his only chance? ‘But what am I suppose to do, let Hisoka be raped? It may not happen, but it’s a terrible thought. I can’t let that happen, but if I over react and drop my shields, Muraki will know that we’re planning something. Then I’d lose Hisoka forever. But…Is it worth the risk…?’

“It is Tsuzuki…” Kuri softly said. “If your partner is truly important to you, then this must be done. If you feel the way I think you do about him, please listen to me. I know what I’m talking about here, trust me. I can’t stand to see two people who love each other separated, so I’m going to help you in any way I can, but your going to have to listen to me. Is he that important to you?”

“Yes, he is. He’s my reason for existing, and I’d do anything to get him back. I love him with all my heart, and I can’t live without him. I can’t stand to be away from him, and this…” Tears fell from Tsuzuki’s eyes, but he kept going. “If there’s anyway to get him back I’ll do it. I don’t car what it is. I’d goes through the flames of hell to get him back.” Tsuzuki said strongly.

“Then lets start. Come and sit down and we’ll begin.”

“What exactly are you going to do?” Tsuzuki asked rather curious.

“It’s rather complicated, but I’ll try to explain. Basically I’m going to go into your mind and access your memories of Hisoka and Muraki. From there I’ll create a possible situation in your mind. It’s similar to virtual reality, except you’ll have to watch it. In other words, you’ll have to watch Muraki rape Hisoka right in front of you, while I monitor your shields.” Kuri said, a little sadly.

“What is the purpose of this exactly?” Tsuzuki did not want to ever see that, never. He had already done that, and it wasn’t a nightmare he enjoyed.

“Hopefully it’ll help learn to control and maintain your shields, and detach yourself from what you’re seeing. It’ll also condition you, so in the event that it does happen you’ll be a little better mentally prepared.”

“I understand, but does that mean that you’ll be able to access all my memories?”

“Yes. That is the only way I’ll be able to do this. If you have a problem, I could try to figure something else out, but this is all I can come up with.” Kuri stated.

“Alright, let’s begin.” Tsuzuki said.

Kuri stood and moved so that she was sitting in front of Tsuzuki. She carefully placed her hands on both sides of Tsuzuki’s head.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Yes.”

‘I do it for you Hisoka. For you, always for you…’ he thought.

Tsuzuki could feel it, this warm sensation throughout his mind. It was calling to him, willing him to withdraw into its depths. He refused unwilling to become lost within his mind. He knew Kuri was delving deep into his mind. For a moment he felt fear, fear that she may reject him because of what he was and not help him get Hisoka back.

“Don’t be and idiot.”

He turned and saw Kuri standing in front of him.

“Are you ready?” she asked, as a door appeared behind her.

“Yes.” he replied.

“Then open the door.”

Kuri moved out of the way and let Tsuzuki approach the door. He felt slightly scared, but resolved his doubts and quickly opened the door. There was a blinding flash of light before he closed his eyes.

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“Where…What?…” Tsuzuki said, very confused. Just a moment ago he was standing in his mind now he was in a building, a certain building, the Kokakuro.

“Wasn’t I just…Oh wait, Kuri.” It all made sense. Kuri had told him that this would be like virtual reality, and she was right. It felt real, too real, in all honesty. He could honestly say he kept forgetting that this was all in his head.

“I told you it would be real.”

Tsuzuki turned around and was faced by Kuri, who was standing in front of a door.

“That’s the key too all of this. The experience is so real, you will forget that it is not. That is how I’ll be able to truly test your shields.” She took a step back and pointed to the door. “When you go though this door, the test begin. I will no longer be with you and you’ll have to experience the whole thing.”

Tsuzuki was a little uneasy. ‘Do I really have to do this…’ he thought.

“I’ve already told you that you can back out if you want. That offer still holds.” Kuri said.

“No. I need to do this. You said that this was the best way you could think of, so I’ll do it.”

“Good luck then.” was all she said before disappearing.

Tsuzuki stepped forward until he was able to reach out and put his hand on the brass doorknob. He slowly turned it and opened the door, stepping inside.

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“Do you think they’re alright? They’ve been in there a long time.” Watari said.

“They’re fine. Kuri is a big girl and will be able to take care of Tsuzuki.” Tatsumi stated.

“Is she really going to be able to help? I mean she’s 18, how can she help us.” Watari asked, still confused.

“Don’t underestimate people, Watari. She’s more powerful than you know.” Tatsumi said vaguely.

“AND… by the way. How do you know her? She came out of nowhere and is willing to help. Not only that, she comes and hugs you and talks to you without any titles. Was she an ex-girlfriend of yours or something?” Watari asked.

Tatsumi almost chocked on the coffee he was drinking. “No, I didn’t date her. I was the one sent to retrieve he soul. She had been murdered, and it was her time. She seems to get attached to people for reason that I’m not going to say, and she wanted to become a guardian after she came to Meifu. I helped her get the job…It was a rather confusing ordeal.” Tatsumi said. He didn’t want to say too much. The girl had had a rather difficult life and well…he didn’t want to tell all of it to Watari.

“Ok…But will she be able t6o help Tsuzuki?” Watari said after a moment.

“I believe she may be the only one who can.” Tatsumi said. “I just hope she can…”

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(I didn’t want to include the test right now. It’ll be brought up later in the story. So don’t worry. :) )

Tsuzuki had seen it, all of it. He felt sick; actually the trash can next to him looked rather good. He threw himself at the can and heaved all the food that was in his stomach, considering he hadn’t eaten breakfast there wasn’t much. He felt a hand on his back, rubbing in small circles.

“It’s alright. You did very well for you first time. Relax. It was an illusion remember.”

He had heard Kuri voice but that didn’t help. Her words were meant to comfort, but they only brought back images of the test.

“Tsuzuki, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for putting you through that. Please forgive me.” Kuri said, starting to cry.

Tsuzuki turned and looked at her. “It’s not your fault. You’re only trying to help. I don’t blame you. This is necessary right? If this has to be done to get Hisoka back, then I’ll do it. Don’t blame yourself, please.” Tsuzuki said to her.

“You’re willing to do this for the next three days for your partner?” Kuri asked, wiping away a few of her tears.

“Yes. I am.” Tsuzuki replied.

“You love him, don’t you?” She asked.

“Yes, I do. He means so much more to me than my own life. If there’s anything I can do for him, to protect him, I’ll do. I’ve already said I’d go through hell to get him back, so if I have to kill Muraki, then I will. Whatever it takes.” Tsuzuki said. “I need him, Kuri.”

Kuri embraced him. “I know you do. We’ll keep working on your shielding, alright? We‘ll get him back. I promise.”

Tsuzuki could only nod.

“We have three days, until the meeting. That’s all we have. Are you prepared for everything that you must do. It’ll be difficult, I can guarantee that. Also, I can’t say for sure whether or not this will work. It’s not one-hundred percent. Are you willing?” Kuri asked.

“Yes.” Tsuzuki replied with determination.

“Then for the next three days, you’re mine.” Kuri said with a rather evil smile.

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Three days later……………………

Tatsumi heard a knock on his door. The past three days had been difficult. Kuri had been working with Tsuzuki day and night, and he wasn’t quite sure what the girl was doing. The meeting was tonight, so the entire office seemed to be on edge. There was another knock.

“Come in.” Tatsumi said, continuing to work on his paper work.

The door opened and Kuri walked in.

“Tatsumi I need to talk to you.” she said.

Tatsumi put aside his papers and looked at her. She seemed upset. The meeting was tonight, and he didn’t even know what the plan was. He was still in the dark and wasn’t even sure about what she and Tsuzuki have been doing. “Yes. Have a seat. What is it Kuri?”

“It’s about tonight…” she said vaguely.

“Yes. I was hoping to discuss that with you Kuri. What exactly is your plan for tonight?”

“The plan is for Tsuzuki to keep Muraki guessing until Muraki’s defenses slip.”

“That makes sense, but then what?”

“Then I will tell you, and we will teleport to the Kokakuro and you will get Hisoka using your shadow magic. The faster you can get him away from Muraki the better. From there you will get Tsuzuki and Hisoka out of there as quickly as possible. Watari will be waiting to take Hisoka to the infirmary.” She said.

“What will you be doing? You said that we would teleport there, do you mean to fight?” Tatsumi asked a little worried. He knew that Kuri doesn’t have many offensive powers, so her fighting could be a problem.

“I’m going to distract Muraki. I should be able to get into his mind and reek a little havoc. He doesn’t know who I am so I’ll have an advantage, in combination with the surprise attack.”

“Kuri, You don’t have very strong offensive powers. Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Tatsumi asked. He truly was worried.

“I’ll be fine. Besides the main concern is to get Hisoka back to Tsuzuki. I’d gladly put myself in danger if it meant having those tow be together again.” She said with a sad smile. “Besides, haven’t I told you not to underestimate me.”

Tatsumi could only smile at that. She was still the same person he had met thirty years ago. The only problem with that is, like Tsuzuki, she is much too self-sacrificing.

“Well, I’m glad you have a plan, but what exactly have you been doing with Tsuzuki?”

“Oh… I’ve been training his shields, and that’s what I wanted to speak with you about.”

“Wait, what do you mean training his shields?”

“I’ve been projecting possible situations and monitoring how he reacts in each. Therefore he will expect the worst and be at least a little better prepared.”

“How has he been doing? Is he ready for tonight?” Tatsumi asked.

“He’s been working really hard at it, but it’s still iffy. I’m not sure if his shields will hold. There strong, but they may fail if the situation is too much for him. That’s why I’m concerned. Tatsumi, If Tsuzuki’s shields fail, I need you to react. We’ll have to teleport immediately and I’ll have to attack Muraki.”

“Alright. Does Tsuzuki know the plan?”

“No. I haven’t told him.” Kuri said.

“Why?” Tatsumi was confused. Wasn’t Tsuzuki a main focal point in this, shouldn’t he know.

“Because if his shields break and Hisoka sees into his mind, all hope will be lost. Muraki will know the plan and be able to counter. By doing this even if Tsuzuki drops his shields, the plan will be safe.” Kuri said monotone.

“That makes sense, but then what’s wrong? Something’s bothering you, I know that. Tell me what it is.” Tatsumi said moving so he was sitting in front of her.

Kuri had her face down, looking at her clenched fists. Tatsumi looked at her and noticed she was crying.

“Kuri…” with that she lunged at Tatsumi crying.

“What if it doesn’t work. What if I fail them, both of them. You called me because you thought I could help. What if I can’t, what if it all goes wrong. What if we lose Hisoka…” she couldn’t continue and broke down sobbing into Tatsumi’s chest.

Tatsumi was stunned for a moment before slowly embracing the trembling girl. ‘She’s so much like Tsuzuki…’ he thought.

“Kuri. You don’t know what’s going to happen. You’ve done your best, now it’s all up to fate. You can’t put so much pressure on yourself. Besides if you start to doubt your own plan, then what’s to stop Tsuzuki from doubting too.” Tatsumi said.

She pulled back and looked up at Tatsumi with tear filled eyes. She sat up and wiped away the tears. “You’re right, as usual…” she said, the lightness to her voice returning.

“I better go and see Tsuzuki, it’s almost time for him to leave.”

She got up and walked towards the door. Before she left she turned and said. “And thanks Tatsumi.” Then she left.

Tatsumi stood there for a moment before returning to his desk. He couldn’t focus on his paperwork anymore. He could only hope that everything will turn out alright. He could hope right…

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Tsuzuki sat in his office at his desk. He couldn’t focus on his work, or anything for that matter. He could only think about tonight.

‘Kuri has been working with me non-stop for the past three days…I hope it’ll help. I can’t believe she won’t tell me the plan. But I suppose she has a point. I hope Hisoka is ok. What am I thinking of course he isn’t. He’s with Muraki, and I don’t want to think about that bastard has done to him…Just please…let me be able to save him. Emna please… Just let me get him back. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t… I…’

A knock at the door brought Tsuzuki out of his thoughts.

“Come in.” he yelled to the door.

It was Kuri. She walked in and sat in front of Tsuzuki’s desk.

“Are you ready for tonight?” she asked.

“Honestly… I don’t know. I want to believe I am, but what if I mess up…”

“You won’t. And even if you do, We’re prepared and will still have a chance of getting Hisoka out. You have to be strong Tsuzuki. Hisoka needs you to be. We all need you to be. You’ve been doing great. Your shielding has gotten a lot better.” Kuri said, trying to encourage him.

“I suppose…” Tsuzuki trailed off.

“Tsuzuki stop that.” Kuri said in a stern voice. “If you don’t believe in what your doing, you might as well not go. If you are this weak in front of Muraki he’ll will, I can tell you that. You can’t waver at all, Tsuzuki. So get those worthless thoughts out of your head and focus on tonight.”

“What if Muraki wins…”

“He won’t.” Kuri said simply.

“How do you know? How can you say he won’t? You don’t know. Hisoka may be gone forever…”

“If you think that then he is.” she said.

“But still how can you be so sure that we’ll get him back?”

“Because, I’ll do everything in my power to get him back. I can’t stand to see two people who love each other separated. It’s sick. If I have to endanger my life, I will. I have no problems with that. My only concern is you two. And if you can’t believe that he’ll come back then I might as well sign my own will, because I’ll die again trying. Will you?”

Tsuzuki was shocked. This girl he barley knew was willing to die so that he could be with Hisoka. He hadn’t meet anyone like that before, it confused him. He had to wonder why…

“Why…?” the question slipped out.

“Why what?” she asked.

“why are you willing to do that for us, I don’t understand.” Tsuzuki asked looking down at his hands.

“Because I want you to be happy, both of you. Believe me, It doesn’t take long for me to get attached to someone. I just happened to get attached to you. If I care about someone, I’ll do anything for them. And you’re the same way, so you can’t be that surprised.” she replied.

“How did you…Oh yea your abilities.”

“That and everyone on Meifu knows about you.” she said with a smile. “But as for my question, will you?”

“I will. I’ll do everything I can. No doubt, no hesitation. I can’t afford to mess up right? I won’t, I can’t. We’ll get him back, we will.” Tsuzuki with as much determination as he could muster.

“That’s it. Now you better get going, it’s almost time. Good luck Tsuzuki.” Kuri said, standing to leave. She felt a hand on her wrist and suddenly she was embraced.

“Thank you, for everything Kuri. Thank you.” Tsuzuki mumbled.

Kuri sighed. “Don’t thank me yet’” she said. “Once we get Hisoka back then you can.” she said with a smile as Tsuzuki let her go.

“Alright. I’ll see you late then.” Tsuzuki said, heading for the door as well.

“Yes. I’ll see you later.” she replied.

With that the two of them parted, going their separate ways.

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“Has Tsuzuki left yet?” Watari asked as Kuri entered Tatsumi’s office.

“Yes. He just left. I hope this works.” she said a little worried.

“It will. Don’t worry about it.” Watari replied, trying to lessen the tension in the room.

“Watari is right Kuri. We’ll do all we can and hope that it turns out.” Tatsumi said.

“I suppose you’re right…” Kuri said, still feeling nervous about tonight.

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‘I can’t believe this. It’s actually time. I hope that this works. No I can’t think that way. It will work. It has to. No doubt, no doubt.’ Tsuzuki thought as he was being lead down a hallway to the room where he was to meet Muraki.

He was nervous, and still a little uneasy, but now wasn’t the time. He was about to face Muraki’s challenge, and he had to win. The consequences are too great if he lost.

The girl that was leading the way stopped. He was facing a door, very similar to the one that Kuri showed when we was training.

‘Just please don’t let what I saw happen. Please…’

The girl told him that the two people he was meeting were already there. Tsuzuki thanked her and she promptly left. Tsuzuki was left standing there. He tried to empty his mind, to do anything to try and prepare himself for what was about to happen. He reached out and took hold of the door handle. It seemed all too like the test. He shook that thought from his mind.

It took a moment but he finally was able to put his shields in place, along with his resolve. He slowly turned the doorknob. Just like in the test, there was a flash of light, the hallway wasn’t very bright. He didn’t hesitate. He quickly walked in and closed the door behind him, ready to face Muraki.

-End Chapter 7-

The Breaking Chapter 6

2007-05-29T12:20:42Z

Title: The Breaking
Story: Yami No Matsuei
Pairings: TsuXHis, MurXHis
Rating: R

Chapter 6

Tsuzuki awoke with a start. He had been having a terrible nightmare. Ever since Muraki took Hisoka two days ago, he would always dream of what the doctor had done to his love. He sat up, pulled his knees to his chest, and cried.

He felt it, every time. Hisoka’s pain and despair flooded his mind. Even now, when he was awake, it was as if he could still feel Muraki’s hands on him. He trembled, realizing that Hisoka had experienced that first hand. The tears kept falling. He felt lost and alone. Without Hisoka,…it hurt. He had never felt this kind of pain before, never. He had failed the one he loved; now he may never get him back.

‘Three more days…’ he thought.

In three days, he would meet Muraki. But what was Muraki planning. He assumed that Muraki would mess with his mind as usual, but what if there was more to it. Muraki never does anything without a reason, what is his reasoning now? For what purpose would he want Hisoka?

‘It’s because of me…Muraki wants me and he’s using Hisoka to get to me. If Hisoka wasn’t involved with me this never would have happened…NO. I can’t think that way right now. Hisoka needs me to be strong, but what can I do. How can I help him…?’

Tsuzuki reluctantly got out of bed. He wasn’t sure how he had made it through these past two days, and he had no idea how he was going to last three more.

‘Maybe a shower will clear my head a little…’

He made is way over his bathroom, and quickly stripped, eager to clear his thoughts. He pulled open the shower curtain and got in. Turning the water on hot, he waited for the running water to sooth him. He stood there, the water raining down on him, caressing his body as well as his mind.

‘Hisoka…’

Even now, as he willed himself to relax, he could not. He could never relax. Not until he had Hisoka in his arms. He leaned against the tile; it cooled his hot skin. It was something real, something to focus on besides the pain he felt. Slowly he slid down the side of the shower and ended up sitting on the tiled floor. He looked up into the falling water, hoping that it would wash away this pain.

He cried again. He had cried so much in the past two days he was amazed there were any left. However, every time he thought he couldn’t cry anymore, more tears found there way out. Even in the warmth of the shower he shook, trembled. It wasn’t working, nothing was. He couldn’t wait any longer, but none of his locater spells were working. He simply could not find Hisoka anywhere.

He got up and turned off the shower. There wasn’t any point anymore, nothing helped. He dried off and got dressed. He didn’t even feel like eating breakfast as he headed out the door to work. Tsuzuki Asato not eating sweets for breakfast, it surely was a sign of the apocalypse.

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Tatsumi was in shock. Tsuzuki had just come to work early, an hour early. He got up and was about to go to talk to him, when Watari came in. Watari quickly shut the door and told Tatsumi to sit back down.

“What is it Watari?” Tatsumi asked.

“Well…It’s about Tsuzuki.”

“Yes, what about him? Other than the fact that he’s here early and incredibly depressed, not to mention heartbroken.”

“It’s just that…” Watari hesitated.

“What?” Tatsumi was wondering what exactly Watari was going to say.

“It’s just that. We all know how dependent Tsuzuki is on Hisoka. Right?”

“That is correct. What are you getting at?”

“What if we can’t get Hisoka back. Tsuzuki wouldn’t be able to handle it. There would be no point in him staying here. You and I both know he’s only here for Hisoka. So we’re risking losing two people, two friends.” Watari said slightly dejected.

“I assumed as much. That is why we must get Hisoka back.”

“But Tatsumi. This is Muraki we are dealing with. He’s always a thousand steps ahead of us. If he has Hisoka under his control, then he’ll be able to read Tsuzuki’s emotions. Even if we come up with a plan, Muraki will be able to figure it out. He’ll be able to sense any change in emotion that Tsuzuki has, alerting him to an attack. Besides you know that Hisoka has lament telepathic abilities. If Tsuzuki can’t keep his shields up high enough, or if he losses his composure for a second, Muraki will know.” Watari started to panic.

“That is a bit of a problem, but I have a possible solution” Tatsumi began.

“But what if Muraki does something to Hisoka right in front of Tsuzuki, he won’t be able to stand it. Then what? What are we going to do?” Watari actually began to cry.

Tatsumi stood up and went over to his friend and gave him an awkward hug.

“Didn’t you hear what I said. I have a plan for that.” Tatsumi said after a moment.

“You do? What is it? For God’s sake tell me.” Watari demanded.

“I know someone who may be able to help out. I’ll give her a call, while you go and get Tsuzuki. Alright?” Tatsumi calmly said.

“Of course I’ll be right back with him.” with that Watari ran out of the room.

Tatsumi silently prayed, as he watched the door close, that he would be able to get in contact with her. He could almost smile at the thought. She is only a little crazy after all.

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Kuri Kujo, that’s a name Tatsumi thought he would never hear again. Yet, here he was asking her for help. She’s part of another division, so few people knew about her. Ok, so she’s a little odd, but if you had her powers you would be as well.

Tatsumi picked up the phone and dialed her number.

‘I never thought I’d call this number, even if she gave it to me of there was an emergency.’ Tatsumi thought.

“Hello?” a female voice said.

“Hello Kuri, this is Tatsumi.”

“Hey! I haven’t seen you in forever…What’s going on? You wouldn’t have called if something wasn’t wrong.” she said.

“I have a favor to ask.” Tatsumi hesitantly asked. It had been so long he was nervous she would turn down his offer.

“Name it.” she replied.

“There has been an incident in our department and your abilities would be very helpful.”

“Of course I’ll help. Do you want me to come now?”

“That would be fine.” Tatsumi said, relieved that she would help them.

“Be right there.” with that she hung up.

At the same time Watari came into the office with Tsuzuki.

“Tatsumi I brought him” Watari announced.

“I can see that.” Tatsumi replied.

“Well…will she help? This friend of yours.” Watari asked.

“Yes. She said she’d be here shortly.”

“Tatsumi…will she really be able to help?” Tsuzuki asked sounding a little hopeful.

“I believe so.” Tatsumi replied. There was a crash outside the office door. “That must be her.” Tatsumi went to the door and opened it. All of a sudden a rather flustered teenaged girl ran in.

“Hey. Sorry about that. My teleporting is a little off today. Tatsumi, It’s been a while. How have you been?” and she gave him a hug.

Watari and Tsuzuki were shocked to say the least. This girl was hugging Tatsumi, their Tatsumi. You know the uptight guy that doesn’t really show any affection. This was a little weird to say the least. She didn’t even use any titles, it was a little confusing.

“Umm…Tatsumi…” Tsuzuki began.

All of a sudden the girl spun around and looked at Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki was stunned. This girl couldn’t be older than 18. She had shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes. She was cute by most male standards. She’s probably about 5’8. Overall, she looked like a normal teenaged girl. How was she suppose to help them.

“You doubt me?” she said smiling up at Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki was shocked yet again. “How did you…?”

“I’ll get to that but first… Hello. My name is Kuri Kujo, just call me Kuri. I’m not into all that title stuff. I’m 18, single, and have been dead for about 30 or so years. If you have any specific questions feel free to ask.” she said with a smile.

“How did you know…” Tsuzuki began, but was interrupted.

“Oh, How did I know what you were thinking. That is just one of my abilities Tsuzuki.” she said vaguely. “And you don’t have to be so shocked Watari. Did you think Hisoka was the only one who could read people‘s minds.” she said, smiling as she say Watari’s disbelief grow.

“Did you…What?” Watari didn’t know what to say exactly.

Tatsumi decided to step in and explain. “Kuri has the ability to read minds along with other things.” He wasn’t sure how to explain it himself.

“I got it Tatsumi. Basically if it involves the mind I have some ability to work with it.” she said.

Watari and Tsuzuki were rather confused, but would deal with it for the time being. They didn’t really have an option anyway.

“So, what’s the situation?” Kuri asked.

Apparently Tsuzuki was elected to tell the story. “why don’t you sit down it’s a rather long story.”

“I’ve got time. Start from the beginning.”

They all sat down and Tsuzuki told her everything. By the end of it Tsuzuki was in tears.

“Would you two leave me with Tsuzuki? I think I can take it from here.” Kuri said standing up.

“Of course. “ Tatsumi replied, dragging Watari out. Kuri smiled and motioned for Tsuzuki to sit down next to her.

“It’s alright to cry. They’re gone.” she said softly to Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki turned and looked her straight in the eyes. Before he knew it, tears were flowing freely down his face. He lunged at Kuri and sobbed into her shirt.

“It’s alright…Shhh…Just let it out.” She whispered.

He felt comforted, as if maybe things would be alright. But could this girl really help him, he was still unsure. After a moment of sobbing Tsuzuki pulled back and muttered a soft thanks.

“No problem. Now we need to get down to business.”

Tsuzuki nodded and asked “Can you really help?”

Kuri sighed and started “Yes. I believe I can help but maybe not in the way that you think.”

Tsuzuki looked at her confused. Kuri smiled to herself before continuing.

“My talent lies within the mind. I’ll be able to help you form a plan, and even help you carry it out. I’m not one who possesses a lot of physical strength, but it is true that you will need me for this. From what I have been able to gather about the situation, the major concern is you partner. Am I correct?”

Tsuzuki nodded.

“Alright. Since he is an empath he will be able to sense any change in your emotions, such as the change that occurs before you attack. If he is able to sense your emotions, the plan will never work. This Muraki guy will just teleport out if he feels threatened at all. So it is very important that you are able to shield your thoughts no matter what.”

“What are you saying exactly? That I have to keep my shields up the entire time, it’s impossible. What if Muraki does something to Hisoka? I won’t just sit there and watch it happen.” Tsuzuki said.

“That is the problem. If you loose your composure before you are to perform the plan, Hisoka will be lost.” she stated.

Tsuzuki pulled back, he was about to cry once again.

“Don’t cry Tsuzuki. I’m here to help and that’s what I’ll do. But for now we need to come up with a plan.”

Tsuzuki looked back at her, some of his composure had returned, and asked “What did you have in mind?”

-End Chapter 6-

The Breaking Chapter 5

2007-05-29T12:19:31Z

Title: The Breaking
Story: Yami No Matsuei
Pairings: TsuXHis, MurXHis
Rating: R

Chapter 5: The Breaking

Tsuzuki awoke a little earlier than usual. He normally got up early, contrary to popular belief since he’s always late. He had too many thoughts going through his mind. Last night was like a dream to him, and he was starting to wonder if it had actually happened. He sat up and looked down and noticed that Hisoka wasn’t there. ‘Maybe it was a dream. But then where is he.’

Upon realizing that his partner wasn’t there he began to panic. He quickly got out of bed and looked all around the room trying to find him. ‘He wouldn’t leave without telling me…’ he thought. Just then there was a knock on the door.

Tsuzuki rushed over and opened to door rather quickly. The hotel clerk was standing there and was looking nervous. In his hand was a letter with Tsuzuki’s name on it. The clerk held the letter out to Tsuzuki, saying that a man stopped by earlier and wanted this to be delivered. Tsuzuki asked what the man looked like, hoping that Hisoka had just left to work and the mission. The clerk said that the man was dressed in white, with two eyes that didn’t match.

Tsuzuki felt his body tremble and it felt as if his stomach had fallen out. The clerk held out the letter. Tsuzuki took it with shaking hands and the clerk left not knowing what to say. Tsuzuki went back into the room and sat down on the bed holding the letter. It was Muraki’s handwriting on the front. He cautiously opened the letter, with trembling hands. The letter read:

To My dear Tsuzuki,

I suppose you have realized by now that your partner is no longer with you. I have retaken my doll, so you don’t need to worry about him. He simply needs to be fixed and who better to fix this doll than his master. I would not suggest you look for us, because you will not be able to locate us, even with a locater spell. He is my doll, and you cannot have him back. But if you like to see my doll one last time, I invite you to dinner five days from now at the Kokakuro. We would be honored if you would attend.

-Muraki

Tsuzuki’s heart fell. Muraki had him. He had Hisoka. He had promised that nothing would ever happen to him again, that he would protect him, but he had failed. He had failed to protect the one he loved and now Hisoka was going to have to pay the price for his mistake.

‘Damn you Muraki. I’ll save you from him Hisoka. God don’t let anything happen to him, please. I love him too much. I’ll get you back. I promise. Hisoka…’ with that thought he teleported to Meifu.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Muraki smiled to himself, knowing that by now Tsuzuki had received his letter. He turned and crossed the room towards the bed were his doll was laying. His smile grew as he looked down at his doll.

Hisoka was no longer wearing his usual blue jeans and orange shirt, but a black kimono. Muraki reached out a brushed away the hair from his unmoving doll’s eyes. He had to admit, it was a lot harder to reinstate the trance, his doll had gotten stronger. But as he looked down at the boy bound to the bed by his wrists and ankles, he felt victorious. His doll was his again and soon he would be his and only his.

He sat down and placed his finger in the center of Hisoka’s forehead, releasing him from the trance. Hisoka slowly opened his eyes and was greeted by an unpleasant sight. Muraki was looming over him, smiling down at him. Hisoka tried to move his arms and legs and realized that he was tied to the bed. So of course he struggled.

“You won’t be getting free any time soon.” Muraki purred into his ear.

Hisoka tried to turn away and realized that he was unable to move his body anymore.

“I said you won’t be getting away. You are mine.” With that Muraki claimed Hisoka’s lips in a brutal kiss. Hisoka tried to break the kiss but as he did Muraki bit down on his lower lip causing it to bleed. Hisoka felt his blood enter his mouth and heard Muraki chuckle as he held Hisoka’s lower lip between his teeth.

Muraki sat up and removed his clothing, then moved himself so that he was straddling Hisoka. He reached out an undid the obi that held together Hisoka’s kimono. Hisoka tried to struggle but was still unable to move. Visions of the dream and the cursing came back into his mind. He felt the last bit of his kimono fall always leaving him completely naked.

“Beautiful” Muraki purred as he reclaimed Hisoka’s lips once again. He moved down to the hollow of Hisoka’s throat. He slowly began to suck on it, leaving little bit marks behind, before moving down to Hisoka’s chest. He lick around Hisoka’s left nipple before biting down on it hard. Hisoka bucked both from the pain and the unwanted pleasure it was causing. Muraki smirked, he enjoyed watching his doll, when he was like this.

“You like it don’t you.” Muraki hissed into Hisoka’s ear, before biting down on the lob.

“No. NO!” Hisoka yelled trying to free himself.

“Don’t try to deny it. I can see how your reacting. You enjoy it, admit it my doll.”

“No. I don’t. I don’t!”

“But you do. I know what you want, what you need. I’ll give it to you.”

“No. Leave me alone.”

“You gave yourself to me, remember…or have you already forgotten your reasoning.” Muraki stated as he resumed sucking and biting Hisoka’s neck.

‘Tsuzuki…I’m doing this so this bastard won’t get to him.’ Hisoka thought.

It seemed as if Muraki was able to read Hisoka’s thoughts. “For Tsuzuki. That’s why, right? But then why isn’t he here. By now he must have realized that I have you, considering my message. But he has yet to appear. Are you sure he cared about you as much as you believe…”

“He does!” Hisoka yelled before he realized what he was doing.

Muraki smiled and sat up looking Hisoka directly in the eyes. “He does not love you. He simply said that so you won’t leave him. He doesn’t want to be alone, and you are more than willing to believe his lies. Honestly, why would Tsuzuki want you. You’re nothing but a doll. A toy that I broke and am now fixing. You’re soiled, tainted. How could Tsuzuki love something like you.”

Hisoka did not know what to say. Muraki’s words hurt. He wanted to deny then, to tell Muraki that he was wrong, but Muraki said the truth. No matter how much it hurt, that was the true. Tsuzuki could never love him. That’s what he always thought, but he wanted him to so badly. He needed it, but was it all a lie. No. It couldn’t be. But Muraki’s words were true. It was all true.

A few tears escaped Hisoka’s eyes and ran down his face. Muraki leaned down and licked them away.

“Don’t worry my doll. I love you. You’re my most prized possession, one that will never be taken away from me.”

“I’m not your doll. I’m not your possession!”

Muraki was growing aggravated. He reached down and roughly grabbed Hisoka’s manhood and held it tightly. Hisoka almost cried out in shock.

Leaning down Muraki said. “ You are. You are mine. You’re my plaything. You need to remember who your master is doll.”

“No! Let me go!”

“Never.” Muraki stated. With one swift motion he plunged inside Hisoka roughly. Hisoka cried out in pain. Muraki pulled almost all the out before he plunged back in.

Tears formed in Hisoka’s eyes. They weren’t only because of the pain, but the fact that his body was reacting. His own body was betraying him. He felt alone and abandoned. The physical pain was one thing but the emotions that came with it were what was truly starting to break him. He cried out in pain and anger as Muraki continued to plunge inside him. His back arched in pain, and he noticed that he was bleeding. The curse marks were once again bleeding. It was too much, all of it. He could handle it. ‘Tsuzuki help me! Please make him stop! NO more! I’m so sorry. Please. Please. Tsuzuki!’

Muraki climaxed and released inside him, falling on top of his doll. The slowly sat up and looked at his doll. He was covered in blood from the curse marks, and was now covered with seed. But what Muraki was truly happy about was the blank stare that now resided in the boys eyes. The eyes that once showed every emotion the boy possessed, where lifeless. His doll was fixed.

A Little earlier-------------------------------

Tsuzuki had teleported to Meifu, in hopes of finding some way to locate Hisoka. He was currently running through the building in hopes of finding Tatsumi or Watari. He stumble into Tatsumi’s office, while panting.

Tatsumi looked up from the bills he was currently working on, and was greeted with a very upset Tsuzuki. Before he even had a chance to ask Tsuzuki blurted out. “Hisoka’s gone.”

Tatsumi stood up and went over to his friend and tried to figure out what he was saying. Hisoka missing could simply mean that the boy had left to go work on the case by himself, but judging by Tsuzuki’s current state that was not the case.

“Tell me what happened Tsuzuki”

“Hisoka’s gone. Muraki has him. I was given this.” Tsuzuki held out the note for Tatsumi to take.

Tatsumi took it and carefully read it over. By the time he got to the end, he clearly understood Tsuzuki’s state. Tatsumi knew that there was more going on between the partners than a normal work relationship. The two had grown close since Kyoto. What happened in those flames, is only known by them, but it must have been rather amazing to bring Tsuzuki back.

Tsuzuki broke down and began to cry. “It’s all my fault. I promised to protect him and I failed and now…” He couldn’t finish the thought. They all knew of Hisoka’s past with Muraki, and they were more than willing to break a few rules and kill the bastard. But this was not the time.

Tatsumi went to embrace his former partner. Tsuzuki clung to Tatsumi and cried, he cried because somewhere inside he felt lost, as if a part of him was missing. Hisoka was that part, Hisoka made him whole, and without him…

“This is not your fault Tsuzuki. You can’t possible foresee everything hat will happen. We’ll get Hisoka back. We will.” Tatsumi said trying to comfort a rather distraught Tsuzuki.

At that moment an explosion could be heard, and a rather disheveled Watari came into Tatsumi’s office.

“Tatsumi I kind of… Well I was hoping to… I killed it alright. But please can I just have a little raise in my budget.” Watari started. He then noticed a crying Tsuzuki and his lab was no longer his priority.

“Tsuzuki what…” he stopped as he realized that someone was missing. He slowly pieced it together. “Tsuzuki…” he couldn’t say anything. No one could. There was no way to comfort the man.

“Tsuzuki, why don’t you go home and rest.” Tatsumi suggested.

“NO! I can’t. I have to go and find Hisoka.” Tsuzuki shouted in response.

‘Tsuzuki help me!’

Tsuzuki felt pain, an incredible pain. He thought he had heard Hisoka’s voice but…

‘Please make him stop! NO more!’

Tsuzuki felt it, felt Hisoka’s pain. All the feelings. Pain, hurt, betrayal, devotion, and desperation. He couldn’t take it. He pushed Tatsumi away and grabbed hold of the first object he could find. He knew what was happening, he knew everything. Hisoka was breaking and it was his fault.

‘ I’m so sorry. Please.’

Tsuzuki picked up and threw the chair that he was holding. He proceeded to destroy the room, trying to make the feelings ad images disappear. Tatsumi and Watari tried to restrain him, but it was no use. Tsuzuki was losing it.

‘Please. Tsuzuki!’

Watari and Tatsumi ducked as another object was thrown at then. All of a sudden Tsuzuki fell to the ground and wept. No one knew what to do, how to comfort the man. Watari was the first to recover and ran to Tsuzuki’s side.

“Tsuzuki. What is it?”

“Muraki…He…he did it. Hisoka..so much pain. He called out to me. Couldn’t help. Then it stopped, all of it. Like he’s not there anymore…” Tsuzuki muttered, not entirely there.

Watari helped to lift him up and turned to Tatsumi.

“I’m going to take him to his apartment. I think he just needs some time Tatsumi.”

Tatsumi looked at Tsuzuki and could only nod. Watari teleported Tsuzuki out leaving a rather disturbed Tatsumi.

At Tsuzuki's Apartment------------------------------------------

“Are you going to be alright Tsuzuki?”

“Yes, I just need to be alone. Thanks Watari.”

With that Watari left, leaving Tsuzuki alone. He went to his bedroom and lied down on the bed and wept. He had seen it. He didn’t want to tell the others but somehow he was able to witness what happened, as well as feel it. The images would vanish and all he could do was cry. He cried and cried until he finally became tried and drifted off to sleep, with his last thought being.

“Hisoka. I’m so sorry…”

End Chapter 5

The Breaking Chapter 4

2007-05-29T12:18:06Z

Title: The Breaking
Story: Yami No Matsuei
Pairings: TsuXHis, MurXHis
Rating: R

Chapter 4

Hisoka’s dream

‘What the hell is going on. This isn’t right, something is wrong.’ I looked around what was suppose to be my mind. ‘what happened. I was lying on the bed with Tsuzuki…then’

“Well you're finally here.” I heard a voice say and quickly turn around. I stumble back a bit, as I come face to face with Muraki.

“What they hell do you want. What are you doing here.”

He simply chuckles in amusement and approaches me. ‘Hell no. He’s not coming near me. This is my mind. But how did he get in here.’

I try to move back but I can’t seem to move. I struggle trying to break free from whatever is restraining me, but it doesn’t work. He walks up to me, his silver eye gleaming, and caresses my face. I try to turn away from the contact, but can only flinch.

He leans in close to my ear and says “There’s no point in struggling. You aren’t leaving until I let you.” as he nibbles my earlobe.

“Why are you here? What do you want?”

He withdraws enough to look me straight in the eyes and smirks. Have I mentioned that I hate it when he does that. Nothing good can come of it.

“You.” he answers. “I’ve come to get you.” as he softly kisses me on the lips. I try to struggle, to force him away but I can’t move. He quickly deepens the kiss, forcing his tongue into my mouth. ‘Hell no.’ I bit down on his tongue, hard, but that doesn’t stop him. He slowly pushes me down to the ground. Apparently my mind has a floor to it. I can start to see the outlines of a sakura tree forming. ‘No. This isn’t happening. No. Not again. Please don’t let it happen again.’ Against my will my body trembles slightly and Muraki finally withdraws, while pinning me on the ground.

“Don’t worry. It’s not as fun when your not physically there, but you will be soon. I said before that I have come to reclaim you, and I shall.”

“And I said that you better fuck off because there’s no way in hell that’s going to happen.”

He begins to laugh at that. Again with the evil laughing. I don’t care if I’m not suppose to kill living people, but I going to have to break that rule in his case. Please, just let me have one shot to kill this bastard.

His smile becomes a smirk as he looked down at me, while still straddling my waits. “You’ll be mine. I guarantee that or do you want me to take Tsuzuki instead.”

I free at that. There’s nothing I can say. There is no way I’m going to let that bastard take Tsuzuki, over my dead body. Whoops that already happened, but you know what I mean.

“And don’t think I know about that little confession you two had earlier, I know all about that.”

I can’t think. How does he know about that. He is still smiling at me too. It’s now that smile that he knows more than me.

“How?” is all I can manage to get out.

His smile widens. “How do I know.” He leans in close and whispers in my ear. “Your mind is open to me, my doll. A possession has no secrets from its master. I cannot allow anyone else to have you, therefore you will come to me or Tsuzuki and the other boys will die.” I shut my eyes not wanting to see him anymore. “I doubt you will want your love to be hurt. You now where to find me, but first.” Muraki paced his finger on my chest and slowly began to trace a pattern that only he completely understood. The red cruse marks flared to life and I arched my back in pain. He chuckles in amusement and leans down one last time. “I’ll be seeing you soon.” and he vanishes.

End Hisoka’s dream

My eyes snap open. Tsuzuki is still asleep, as I lay in his arms. I look down and can still see the curse marks. ‘So the dream was real’ I turn my face and look up at Tsuzuki. I can’t hold back the tears as I realize what I must do. Slowly I unwrap myself from Tsuzuki, the tears continue to fall. I stand up and face the bed. Tsuzuki moans a little in his sleep, but as I caress his face he relaxes back into a peaceful slumber.

I can’t stand it. Why did this have to happen now, Why? Things were finally going well. I have Tsuzuki to love me, and now that will end. I’ll do it for him, for no one else, but that doesn’t stop the tears.

I collapse next the bed and sob into the sheets. Why is all I can think. Why. I stand up and look at Tsuzuki again, my reason for doing this. I slowly lean down and kiss him softly on the lips. I whisper a quiet ‘I love you’ in his ear and walk towards the door. I pause in the doorway and look back at Tsuzuki. It hurts. It hurts so must, but I have to do this. With that final look I turn and leave, closing the door quietly behind me.

This sucks. What did I do to deserve this. I never kicked and kittens, or burned trees, or did any of those things some teenagers would do. Then why was I being punished.

For the first time in my life I felt wanted and loved with Suzuki and even that was taken from me. Can I not find peace even in death? No. because for that damn doctor, and his fucked up obsessions.

I’m walking now. I’d rather walk than teleport, delays the inevitable I suppose and it gives me time to think.

I’ll admit that I’ve changed. I never would have done something like this fro anyone when I was alive. I suppose in some sick and twisted way, I have Muraki to thank for my after life. That thought is almost too disturbing, maybe I should have teleported…But it’s true. When I was alive I was alone and hated by everyone, but not anymore. I’m no longer alone. It seems too good to be true looking back. I just wish things could have remained, but now I’m leaving all of that behind.

I know what Muraki will do to me, and I’ll do it so Tsuzuki will be safe. I just hope he understands. A lone tear falls down my cheek and I quickly try to wipe it away. Now is not the time for crying. I will face this, as I have every other challenge in my life. I just hope Tsuzuki can forgive me but I have to do this. I love him too much. I just hope he doesn’t blame himself. That idiot has always had too large a heart, but I suppose that is one of the things that I love about him. Listen to me getting all sappy. When did I become such a wimp.

I suppose it was when I held a gun to his back on our first mission. I thought he was the vampire, maybe a vampire that feed on sugar but not the real vampire. I chuckle quietly to myself as I realize that I will never see or be with Tsuzuki again.

I stop. The tears are following again and I know I’m close. I can sense Muraki, he knows I’m coming. I look up at the sakura that line the path. I can’t help but smirk and wipe the tears away as I think how ironic this scene is. I resume walking repeating one thought in my mind.

‘I’m doing this for Tsuzuki. I love him and always will.’

My feet seemed to have a mind of their own as I resume walking, not bothering to look up, my mind knows where it is going. All of a sudden my feet stop as I notice a pair of shoes and slowly look up.

‘Think only of Tsuzuki…’

“Hello doll.” I feel a hand around my waist pulling me closer. “I knew you would come.” with that Muraki brutally kisses me. He pulls away and places a finger on my forehead. I can’t keep myself from trembling. I feel this shock go though the point of contact, and my consciousness slips away, as I fall into a dark embrace.

Muraki’s point of view

I put my hold back on my doll as he collapses into my arms. I bring him closer and hold him. Yes. My doll is mine and only mine again. I’m sorry Tsuzuki but he is no longer yours and you will never get him back. I nuzzle his soft wheat colored hair. Yes. Finally my precious doll has returned. Now on the next phase.

End chapter 4

The Breaking Chapter 3

2007-05-29T12:15:47Z

Title: The Breaking
Story: Yami No Matsuei
Pairings: MurXHis, TsuXHis
Rating: R

Chapter 3

Hisoka ran as fast as he could away from Muraki. ‘He can’t be serious. No. I won’t let him have me, but Tsuzuki…’ He stopped once he was sure he was far enough away that he could no longer sense Muraki. ‘I won’t let Muraki have Tsuzuki, the last time… The last time Muraki got Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki almost killed himself. And there’s no way I’ll let Muraki use him. But then…’ Hisoka could think about that, what would happen to him, but there were other people to consider. ‘Will he honestly keep killing people to get to me. Of course he will, he’s psychotic, but that would mean…’ Hisoka kept coming back to that thought.

He shook his head, there had to be some other way. Hisoka quickly started to walk again praying that Tsuzuki was there waiting.

Hisoka stood outside the door to the room he was sharing with Tsuzuki. The hotel clerk had told him that the man he was staying with had already checked in, after giving him a few odd looks. ‘Why do they always think that’ Hisoka thought to himself, but now he was nervous about seeing Tsuzuki. He couldn’t get what Muraki said out of his mind.

‘I suppose I have to go in at some point. I just hope Tsuzuki isn’t mad about me leaving without him.’

Hisoka cautiously opened the door and was greeted with a sight he was not expecting. Tsuzuki was lying on one of the beds, snoring lightly, holding his cell phone. Hisoka looked at the phone and thought ‘He must have been waiting for me to call.’

He quietly approached the bed, not wanting to wake him up. As Hisoka gazed down at Tsuzuki, he wanted to do something he had never expected. After a moment or two of debating, Hisoka carefully leaned down and softly kissed Tsuzuki on the forehead. He pulled back, stunned by his own actions. And on queue Tsuzuki slowly began to wake up.

Hisoka back way from the bed, afraid that Tsuzuki would be mad at him. Tsuzuki slowly opened his eyes and realized that he was no longer alone. “Hisoka.” was all he could say before he quickly stood up and embraced the youth.

Hisoka was shocked for a moment and was slightly confused. Tsuzuki was suppose to be mad at him, but he was only able to sense relief, concern, and now happiness, but there were some other emotions that he was having trouble understanding.

Hisoka slowly returned the embrace only to be held tighter by Tsuzuki.

“Where were you?” Tsuzuki asked while still holding Hisoka.

“I wanted to start on the case.”

“Why didn’t you wait for me. I was so worried.”

“It was…a little too much sitting in the meeting, and I needed to get out, so I went to start on the case.” Hisoka lied.

“You should have waited for me.” Tsuzuki quietly said.

“I’m not a child I can do things on my own.” Hisoka quickly snapped.

“I just…” Tsuzuki trailed off.

“What…?” Hisoka asked, still trying to figure out Tsuzuki’s emotions.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Tsuzuki said tightening his hold on Hisoka.

“Tsuzuki” Hisoka sighed. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“But, I do. I care about you Hisoka, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. If something did, I don’t know what I would do. I couldn’t handle it.”

“Tsuzuki” Hisoka said a little stunned his partner had never been so open and obviously sincere about something like this.

“If you ever left me. I’d…” Tsuzuki trailed off.

Hisoka finally returned the embrace. “I’m not going to leave you Tsuzuki, at least willingly. I’ll never just leave you.”

Tsuzuki looked down at Hisoka. Hisoka’s eyes were so open right now, as they looked directly into his eyes. It was as if Hisoka was searching his eyes looking for something.

“What’s wrong Tsuzuki? Something has been bothering you lately. Don’t deny it. I’ve been able to sense it hidden underneath your emotions.”

“It’s nothing. Nothing for you to worry about.”

“But it is. It’s hurting you. Tsuzuki I want to be able to help.”

Tsuzuki looked down at Hisoka thinking. ‘Should I tell him?’ Tsuzuki thought. ‘Will he be able to handle my feelings.’

“Hisoka, I think we should talk.” Tsuzuki says, looking directly at Hisoka.

‘Finally. Maybe now he’ll tell me what’s been bothering him. But, do I want to know…’ Hisoka thought as Tsuzuki sits Hisoka down on the bed.

“Hisoka…” Tsuzuki trails off.

“What is it Tsuzuki? You can tell me.” Hisoka said.

“I’m not sure how to say it.”

“It’s okay just try.” Hisoka said trying to be encouraging.

“You see. There’s this person, who’s really important to me, but I’m not sure how he feels about me. I’m just afraid that my feelings will scare him off if he ever found out. I’ve made so much progress with him and I don’t want to end u back where we started. And I don’t want to hurt him with my feelings or myself…” Tsuzuki tariled off the last part.

“Tsuzuki…” Hisoka was unsure what to say to that considering he didn’t know who this person was that Tsuzuki was talking about. There was no way it was him, and for some reason that thought hurt Hisoka, in a way he hadn’t expected.

“Tsuzuki. If you feel that strongly about someone, you should tell them. If not that feeling will continue to build and you may do something you regret, or things will never change. If you think this person is worth it, go for it.” Hisoka said while thinking ‘I wonder who he’s talking about, Tatsumi? That has to be it. I knew something was going on between them. But, why do I have this strange feeling, like my heart is being ripped in two. I don’t like Tsuzuki in THAT way, right?’

Tsuzuki was confused, yet again. ‘Does he realize what he’s saying. Could he possibly understand how those words give me this hope.’ Tsuzuki cautiously continued. “I’m not sure you understand, This person has had many hardships in his life, and I’m not sure he could understand my feelings or accept them. I don’t think I could handle that sort of rejection or what if he is disgusted by my feelings and wants to leave me...” With that last line a few tears escaped from Tsuzuki’s eyes.

Hisoka moved closer to Tsuzuki and embraced him. “It seems like you are close to this person, and since they are at least your friend, I don’t think they would reject you or abandon you for your feelings.” Hisoka stated, while feeling that pain increasing in his heart for there was no way it was him Tsuzuki was talking about.

Tsuzuki’s tears stopped at that. The fact that Hisoka was holding him finally registered in his mind and he relaxed into the embrace as he brought his hands up to return it.

“How do you know they won’t leave me Hisoka, won’t fly away and never come back.”

Hisoka was confused by Tsuzuki’s words but replied. “Because if you feel this strongly about them, then they must feel something for you. But they won’t know how you feel about them unless you tell them. Maybe they feel the same way and are just afraid to say anything to…”

Tsuzuki was stunned by his partner’s words. ‘Maybe he does feel the same way. Afraid too, maybe.’ Tsuzuki still was having trouble trying to decide.

“If you tell me who it is I could try to help you in anyway I can. I’m your partner after all.”

Tsuzuki decided then to chance it. “Hisoka what if the person was you”

“What…” Hisoka said.

“What if the person was you, then what would happen.”

Hisoka’s heart jumped, but the man had to be kidding, there was just now way. “Stop messing with me Tsuzuki.” Hisoka, trying to sound offended replied.

“But what if…” Tsuzuki said trying to get how Hisoka felt about him out of him.

“I don’t know.”

That wasn’t the answer Tsuzuki expected. A screamed no maybe but not an I don’t know.

But Hisoka wasn’t done. “I wouldn’t just leave you but I’m not sure exactly how I feel about you. The way your taking makes this emotion sound like love, but I don’t know how I feel. I never remember feeling love, so I don’t now how to identify it…” Hisoka said sadly.

“Hisoka…”Tsuzuki said tightening his hold on the youth. “Just try to describe how you feel, I’ll try to help.”

Hisoka was a little frightened. He had never been open with anyone about his emotions before, and this scared him to be honest.

“Just try.” And as Tsuzuki’s encouraging words took hold he began to describe this feeling.

“When I near you I feel safe, protected, and I don’t want that to go away. I suppose I need it…” Hisoka trailed off loosing his resolve but as Tsuzuki’s arms tightened encouragingly he continued. “I care about you. I need to be with you in a way. That’s why I didn’t want to let you go in Kyoto. You were the first person to ever show me kindness and concern. I thought no one would ever show me that, but you did. I don’t want be alone anymore, is what I said in the fire. It’s true I don’t want to alone, I’ve been alone for so long that it’s inconceivable for me not be…but I don’t want to be. I want to be with you.” and with that Hisoka stopped to look at Tsuzuki, who seemed to be in shock. Hisoka pulled on Tsuzuki’s sleeve a little to try and get his attention.

To say Tsuzuki was amazed would be the understatement of the century. That was the closes thing to a confession of love that he had ever heard, but he was still unsure if Hisoka thought of him as a brother or something closer…

It was then that Tsuzuki felt something on his sleeve. He came out of his trance-like state and was meet with Hisoka’s face. He had never seen the boy’s eyes so open and vulnerable before, it was almost unbearable. He then had an idea on how to hep Hisoka in deciding his feelings.

Tsuzuki look directly at Hisoka and said “I think I know a way to help you figure out what your feeling. If you‘re willing to try it.”

Hisoka was a little hesitant but nodded his head anyway, desperately wanting to understand his own emotions.

“Would you rather kiss me on the cheek or on the lips.” was the simple question that Tsuzuki asked.

With that statement Hisoka blushed, a lot. He turned his face away so that Tsuzuki wouldn’t be able to see it, but Tsuzuki wasn’t going to let him off. He slowly cupped Hisoka’s chin and brought his face back to face him.

Hisoka still refused to look Tsuzuki in the eye, but then he felt Tsuzuki’s breath on his ear and heard the quiet whisper “which one?”

Hisoka’s blush deepened, but he knew that he had to figure this out. So he looked at Tsuzuki and was met with deep amethyst eyes that were watching him intently, waiting for a response.

Tsuzuki was looking at his partner curiously, waiting for a response. It was then that he noticed how Hisoka seemed to be seriously thinking and all of a sudden came to some sort of conclusion.

Hisoka turned to look at Tsuzuki. He decided to leave it up to chance and closed his eyes. Slowly he inclined his head towards Tsuzuki’s. He felt his lips softly touch something. He cautiously opened his eyes and way face to face with Tsuzuki. He was kissing him on the lips. A little embarrassed he pulled away, blushing. Tsuzuki was stunned but more than excited, he had gotten his answer, but it was Hisoka that spoke

“So…were you actually talking about me.”

“Yes, and I got my answer.” Tsuzuki said as he leaned in to kiss him again.

Hisoka was a bit overwhelmed. All of these feeling were new to him and he wasn’t sure how to respond. This made him feel bad, because he wasn’t sure he would be able to give Tsuzuki what he needs. “Tsuzuki I’m not sure…” he trailed off.

As if sensing what Hisoka was referring to, Tsuzuki interlaced his fingers in Hisoka’s and gave him another quick, undemanding kiss. “We will go as slow as you want Hisoka. I won’t push you. But can I hold you for a while, like this.” Hisoka simply nodded, not trusting his voice.

Tsuzuki scooped Hisoka up and put him in his lap, and looked at him with a very serious face. “Hisoka.” Tsuzuki said, trying to get his attention. “I know you’re not use to this sort of thing, but that’s fine with me. I won’t hurt you, I promise. I will never hurt you. I would sooner die than do that.” with that Tsuzuki pressed his lips to Hisoka’s temple. As he pulled away, tear-filled eyes looked up at him.

“Tsuzuki” Hisoka said as he threw his arms around the man. Words were not needed Tsuzuki understood what Hisoka was trying to say. He simply put his arms around Hisoka and held him tightly, wishing this moment would never end. He slowly eased himself back onto the bed, still holding Hisoka. Once he was completely lying down, he shifted around a bit so that Hisoka was lying with his head on his chest.

This level of intimacy was still so new to Hisoka but he craved it. The feeling, the touches, everything Tsuzuki had to offer Hisoka took. He needed it, and that’s what scared him. ‘When did I become so dependent of him. I use to need no one, I was alone, but now. I never want to be alone again.’ Hisoka thought as he snuggled into Tsuzuki’s chest.

Tsuzuki, of course, thought that it was adorable, and smiled to himself, as he felt himself falling asleep. Hisoka at the same time was feeling drowsy and closed his eyes slowly, fearing that when he woke up this would have all been a dream. It was then that he noticed that that wasn’t his thought, but Tsuzuki’s.

“This is not a dream.” and as a side note he added. “and if anything ever happens know that I…” he trailed of. Tsuzuki waking up a little asked “what?”

Hisoka blushed and slowly added. “That I …love you.” Tsuzuki smiled and caressed Hisoka’s cheek, while cupping his chin in his other hand.

“And I love you” with that Tsuzuki softly kissed Hisoka and added. “Good-night, love.”

With that he fell asleep. Hisoka watched in amazement at the man before him. It didn’t seem real, and now Muraki was going to ruin it. ‘I won’t let him have you Tsuzuki. I won’t’ he thought. It seemed as if suddenly he was being pulled asleep. He tried to stay awake, to say something to Tsuzuki but was unable to. Before he knew it he was forced asleep by something he could not identify.

End of Chapter 3

The Breaking Chapter 2

2007-05-29T12:13:26Z

Title: The Breaking
Story: Yami No MAtsuei
Pairing: TsuXHis
Rating: R

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Hisoka had teleported directly to Nagasaki, case file in hand. He was currently on his way to visit the latest victim’s house to talk to the mother about her son’s death. He was currently lost in thought. ‘What are we doing on a case like this. Tsuzuki can’t handle this kind of case right now. What was Tatsumi thinking? Fine I’ll just try to figure this out quickly so that Tsuzuki won’t have to get too involved.’

Hisoka sighed to himself. Lately he had been thinking a lot about Tsuzuki and his relationship. He wasn’t quite sure what to think about it. ‘How exactly do I feel about him….I know I care about him, but what does he mean to me? I don’t know. Things have been different since Kyoto. He’s been different. I never knew how much guilt and pain he felt. He always seemed to happy, but I guess that was just a mask. I don’t want to see him like that again, so full of pain and self-hatred. It hurt, in a way I don’t yet understand. But why…’ Hisoka was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts as he reached his destination. ‘I better get this over with.’ was his last thought as he knocked on the door. He was so absorbed in his previous thoughts that he didn’t sense the presence of someone following him.

Tsuzuki teleported to Nagasaki, arriving a few minutes behind his partner. ‘Where is he’ Tsuzuki thought, as a foreboding feeling spread within him. He walked around the area for a while, and once he realized that he wasn’t going to find Hisoka this was, resigned to going to the hotel, since Hisoka would eventually end up there.

Tsuzuki shuffled his feet as he walked towards the hotel they were going to be staying at, but he couldn’t shake this bad feeling. ‘I hope Hisoka gets to the hotel soon. I’m getting worried. It’s been over two hours and I still haven’t been able to find him. And he took the case file, so I can’t even start working on the case.’ He thought. But then his thoughts turned a little darker as he began to think about the case. ‘There’s no doubt that Muraki is involved in this case, but how. Is he behind it? That seems to simple, there has to be more to it, there always is. The most recent victim looked so much like Hisoka it’s painful. For a moment I though Muraki had killed my Hisoka again.’ He sighed to himself, his worry was becoming even more over powering, but he didn’t have any idea where Hisoka was.

He finally made it to the hotel and checked in. The clerk hadn’t seen anyone similar to the description Tsuzuki gave about Hisoka. He quickly went to the room and sat down on the bed. ‘Where is he? What if something happened? What if I wasn’t able to protect him?’ Tsuzuki thoughts were becoming more and more depressed. ‘If anything were to happen to him I don’t know what I’d do.’ He thought. ‘All I know is that I’d do anything to protect him, to keep him safe, to keep him with me…’ This caused him to pause. Lately, his thoughts had been wandering to a certain green-eyed youth.

Tsuzuki laid down on the bed he was currently sitting on. Tsuzuki had known for sometime now that he thought of Hisoka as more than a working partner or even a friend, but he was too afraid to say anything or act any differently. He didn’t want to frighten his partner away, and destroy all the progress he had made so far with him. Hisoka’s recent actions had caused Tsuzuki to hope that maybe his feeling were returned. ‘He did jump into Touda’s flames to save me, when I thought no one would. Clinging to me, begging me to stay with him.’ It was that confession in the flames that kept him going. He hoped, prayed that Hisoka meant those words and didn’t just say them, so he wouldn’t kill himself. ‘I won’t say anything. I’ll just watch over him, and protect him. Be there for him if he needs me, and never let Muraki have him again.’ That was Tsuzuki’s silent vow as he slowly drifted off to sleep.

“That sucked” Hisoka said as he was heading to the hotel Tsuzuki and he were going to be staying at.

The attempted questioning did not go as planned. He shook his head in confusion as he tried to figure out what went wrong.

Flashback

Hisoka knocked on the door to the victims house and was greeted by the supposed mother. She had promptly hugged him, thanking God that her son was returned to her. She then realized that this was not her son. He skin was too flawless, and his eyes had an intensity that she had never seen. Upon realizing this, she believed Hisoka to be her son’s ghost and slammed the door in his face after screaming rather loudly.

End Flashback

It had happened so quickly that Hisoka didn’t get a chance to correct her and so here he was heading for the hotel.

‘I have no idea what I could have done differently. She didn’t even give me a chance and I didn’t want to terrify her. But now Tsuzuki will have to go see her and I didn’t want him to get too involved. Ahh… this isn’t suppose to happen like this. She was suppose to sit and answer all my questions as I posed as I newspaper intern. Why did this have to happen…’ He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn’t see the man approaching, and therefore bumped into him.

“Sorry bout that. Excuse me.” Hisoka said not bothering to look at the person. He was starting to walk away when a hand grabbed him.

“What…” was all Hisoka could say before he recognized the presence. “Muraki…”

“Yes bouya, It’s not polite to bump into someone and not even look them in the eye when apologizing, I thought you were taught better.” Muraki said with a smirk.

“What the hell are you doing here.” Hisoka demanded. “You’re involved in the murders aren’t you, tell me Muraki what are you trying to accomplish?” getting right to the point.

“So demanding aren’t you. I thought you would have figured it out already.” Muraki replied.

“What are you talking about…” Hisoka asked a little confused. “If it’s Tsuzuki you’re after, you’re not going to get him. I won’t let you.”

“You won’t. Well that’s a bit of a disappointment, but who said I wanted him.”

Hisoka was shocked. This was the pervert that had done anything possible to get Tsuzuki and now he does want him. ‘What the fuck is going on here!’ Hisoka thought. “Then what are you after…” Hisoka asked hesitantly, not really sure if he wanted to know.

Muraki smirked and moved into closer to Hisoka. He leaned down and whispered in his ear. “An here I thought you were smart. Haven’t you noticed anything about the victims.” Muraki purred as he licked Hisoka’s earlobe and slowly bit it.

Hisoka winced and recalled all the images, how they seemed to resemble him. He froze realization dawning n him. “Me…” he slowly said. But that didn’t make sense. Muraki didn’t want him, he wanted Tsuzuki, right? Hisoka was very confused at this point.

“Yes, my doll. That is correct. You were mine to begin with, but I have come to take you back. You will be coming with me or more boys will die. Now, do you want their deaths on your hands. Do you want all of them to die, when you could save them by giving yourself to me. Or do you want me to take Tsuzuki instead.”

At the mention of Tsuzuki, Hisoka awoke form the trance he seemed to be in. “NO! No, I’m not going with you!” Hisoka shouted as he freed himself from Muraki’s grasp and ran for the hotel and hopefully Tsuzuki.

Muraki simply smiled. “You will be mine again doll, and I won’t let Tsuzuki ever have you back.” With that Muraki vanished in a flash of white light, only leaving behind the remains of laughter.

End Chapter 2

Story!!!!!

2007-03-30T16:44:41Z

Hello everyone! Alright...

I've decided to start posting all of my older stories on here, but with a few changes. The storie are the same as on fanfiction, but I hope that I've gotten rid of most of the spelling and grammar mistakes. I hppe that you all enjoy reading!

This is my first multi-chapter that I wrote. So here it is...

Titile: The Breaking
Rating: M
Pairings: TsuXHis, MurXHis, and others to come...
Summary: There is a strain of murders in Nagasaki and Tsuzuki and Hisoka are sent in to solve it but things go very wrong.

Chapter 1

The Breaking

Chapter one:

It started out like any other day.

“Baka! Get off of me”

“No! Come on Hisoka. Just try it.”

“No! And for the last time get off of me!” Whack.

“Soka is soooo mean!” Whaled a now crying Tsuzuki.

Tatsumi stood outside the door to Hisoka and Tsuzuki’s office debating whether or not he should go in. ‘I suppose I must.’ He thought.

Stepping into the office, Tatsumi noticed two things. 1. Tsuzuki was hugging Hisoka around the waist, crying about him not eating some particular pastry. And 2. Hisoka was trying to hit Tsuzuki with the book he was currently reading, while blushing furiously. Yes, it was just a normal day.

“Here’s your next assignment. There’s a meeting in twenty minutes. Be in my office.” said Tatsumi. With that Tatsumi placed the folder on the desk and abruptly left the room, leaving behind a blushing Hisoka and a still crying Tsuzuki.

As the door closed, Hisoka was finally able to pry Tsuzuki of off himself. As he did, Tsuzuki realized that he was no longer holding onto Hisoka and ended up falling flat on his face. This caused Hisoka to feel a little bad, so he walked over to see if his partner was okay. Tsuzuki wasn’t moving, so he was a somewhat worried. As he leaned down, Tsuzuki grabbed him and pulled him down on top of him.

To say the least, Hisoka was furious, but as he heard Tsuzuki say “I’m sorry. If you don’t want to eat it, it’s okay. I just wanted you to try it, so don’t be mad. Please.” Hisoka had to concede. At that moment Hisoka realized that he was laying on top of Tsuzuki in their office. Upon this discovery, he started to blush again, as he tried to free himself from Tsuzuki’s embrace, but he wouldn’t budge.

“Tsuzuki, let go.”

“No.” was the simple response along with the embrace being tightened. Hisoka was not about to give up and continued to try and free himself, but it wasn’t working.

“Come on Tsuzuki. We have a meeting about our new case to get to and we don’t want Tatsumi to be mad, right?” Hisoka said, trying to use Tsuzuki’s fear of Tatsumi to free himself.

“No. They can wait you’re staying right here.” and for emphasis Tsuzuki held on even tighter.

“But we really need to get going.” Hisoka sighed. “Alright Tsuzuki what do I have to do to get you to let go, since hitting you with things doesn’t work.”

“You have to give me a kiss!” Tsuzuki happily replied.

Hisoka was now blushing again and said. “Tsuzuki no. Now let me up.”

“No. Not until you give me a kiss.”

“Fine. If it‘ll get you to let go of me.” Hisoka leaned up from his position on Tsuzuki’s chest and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Tsuzuki was stunned. He hadn’t expected Hisoka to actually do it, but he was happy none the less and released Hisoka.

Hisoka stood up quickly, grabbed the folder, and started to leave their office. He paused at the door and looked back at the still stunned Tsuzuki lying on the floor and said “Tsuzuki. The meeting is going to start. Hurry up.” with that he left.

Tsuzuki remained lying on the floor for a few minutes thinking. ‘Maybe he does return my feelings. Or maybe he’s just confused. Maybe the kiss didn’t mean anything, but I still didn’t expect him to actually do that. Hey. Wait! Didn’t he say meeting. Oh crap Tatsumi is going to kill me.’ with that Tsuzuki sprinted out of the room ‘I am so dead.’

Tsuzuki burst though the door, right as Tatsumi was about to begin.

“Sorry I’m late.” Tsuzuki said as he sat down next to Hisoka.

“Tsuzuki. You are late again.” said Tatsumi.

“I know, sorry bout that. I fell…..” Tsuzuki replied.

“I will have to dock your pay. And no complaints.” Tatsumi said, cutting off any whining that Tsuzuki may have. “As I was saying. In Nagasaki there have been a recent string of murders, all young boys between the ages of thirteen and most recently sixteen.”

“What do you mean most recently sixteen?” Hisoka asked.

“Well….” Tatsumi hesitated worried about how Hisoka may react to this. “You see the boys that were first killed were around the age of thirteen but the continue to get older and the most recent murder was a sixteen year old boy.”

“Is there any connection that you have been able discover between the murders?” Tsuzuki asked.

“Yes. All the boys have been found to have marks around their wrists and ankles. Along with that there are strange markings on their bodies.”

“What kind of markings?” Hisoka hesitantly asked.

“Why don’t I show you the photos of each of the victims. It may be easier for you to see them than for me to try and explain the situation.” Tatsumi replied.

Tatsumi went over to the projector and shoot a quick worried glance at Hisoka. He let out a sigh and turned on the projector. The entire room was silent as Tatsumi slowly changed each slide. The first victim was a boy around the age of thirteen with blue eyes and blond hair. The picture was of the dead mutalated body. He was lying on the ground, eyes wide and glassy. His hands and wrists had marks on them just as Tatsumi said, but across the boy’s chest were strange markings. Hisoka nearly gasped in surprise at the resemblance between the markings. As the slides continued on the boys slowly aged and their hair and eye color did, until they reached the most recent victim. Tsuzuki nearly gasped in horror at the picture of a boy who could have been Hisoka’s twin. He slowly turned his gaze towards his partner and thought of how to comfort him, but his thoughts were cut off as the lights were turned on.

Everyone sat in silence, no one knowing what to say. It seemed like eternity until Hisoka spoke up. “Let’s go.” he said to Tsuzuki as he turned and left the office.

Once he left Tsuzuki turned to Tatsumi. “Tatsumi don’t send us on this case, you know Muraki is involved and I don’t know if Hisoka is ready for this. Can’t you get someone else.”

“It is not my decision. If it was I would not send you on this case, but it is out of my hands. But I will say this Tsuzuki, Watch him. I have a bad feeling about this all of this.” Tatsumi replied.

Not feeling reassured at all, Tsuzuki left the room to try and find his partner. ‘God don’t let me lose him. Please let me be able to protect him.’ Tsuzuki thought as he teleported to Nagasaki.

End of Chapter 1.

Please post a comment if you liked it!

Random

2007-03-18T01:42:28Z

I'm just coming in for a few minutes. I felt like writing. I recently got into college! Yea! life is good. I'm going away for a while and am going to be very busy for all of those people who read my fanfiction. So sorry about that. I'll do my best!

kaouri18 @ 2007-03-07T19:20:00

2007-03-08T00:22:17Z

Thsi is a poem from Hisoka's point of view. It's not your standard poem, but it was fun to write! Enjoy!

This Life

Hisoka's point of view

Why?

Can't forget

Let go

No,

Isolate myself,

too much pain,

hatred,

anger,

sheilds, walls,

must keep them out,

Never show,

my pain,

fear,

need,

emotion,

So Alone,

No one,

Always alone,

But now,

I need,

I let them in,

My new family.

But why?

Why won't he let me be,

My tormentor,

Matser?

No,

Won't except that,

fear,

pain, when I see him, when he's near,

hate,

I hate him,

Can't he leave me alone,

Hasn't he done enough,

Leave me be,

But he won't

I want,

to be happy,

No he destroys,

My life,

Killed me,

took my innocence,

hell,

I was there,

three years,

pain,

suffering,

death,

But death brought hope,

Yet no,

I've been hurting for too long,

Isolation,

Hatred,

All I've ever felt,

I hate myself,

everyone else does,

So I do,

Yet, they don't,

they're different.

A family,

one I've never had,

but no,

he interferes,

leave me alone,

his doll,

that's what he calls me,

I'm not,

yet I am.

His mark,

It burns my skin,

The pain of my past returns.

But they are different,

they except me,

anmd my "curse",

It caused all this hatred,

They except it,

They understand,

Want to help,

No,

I've lived too long without hope,

or affection,

or trust,

I need them,

This new family of mine,

more than I ever thought,

I've never needed before,

been alone too long,

BUt I'm not anymore,

I don't want to be again,

I want to be happy,

to live this "Life" I was given,

not just for myself anymore,

but for them,

my family,

they care,

Never thought it possible,

to care about a demon child.

They say that I'm innocent.

How,

I'm tainted,

basically fucked up.

Yet they don't care,

They except that,

Don't condemn me,

How,

I don't understand,

he cares,

says it's because I'm His partner,

How?

I don't understand how he could,

can,

But I need that,

I need to know I'm wanted,

So,

What do I do?

Unsure,

The pain is fading,

Safe,

Memories dying slowly,

Three years of pain,

never eased, but suppressed,

This new life,

will be hard,

but at least I'm not alone anymore,

I have them, him,

That's all I need.

End

ere.

kaouri18 @ 2007-03-04T13:19:00

2007-03-04T18:23:09Z

Hey! I've decided to post me first fanfiction story in my journal. It's on fanfiction.net. Feel free to post any comments.

Story: How did things end up like this
Anime: Yami No Matsuei
Pairing: TsuzukiXHIsoka
Rating: T
Summary: A oneshot from Hisoka's point of view- looking back on his relationship with Tsuzuki. Post Kyoto. And fluff!
Disclaimer: I don't own Yami No Matsuei, no matter how much I wish I did....

How did things end up like this

Hisoka’s point of view

How did things end up like this. This is not the way I expected my life, afterlife, to be. Things have changed, and I suppose I have too. I mean, I never would have let myself fall asleep in anyone’s arms before, but that just proves how far I have come. Granted, I’m no where near Tsuzuki’s level of expression, but I’m slowly changing. These walls that I had built are coming down piece by piece no matter how hard I try to resist. But, why should I resist this change. I’m afraid that’s why. Afraid of being hurt again as I have been so many times in my life. I would never admit that out loud of course, but as I lay here in Tsuzuki’s arms, I feel as if I can admit it, at least to myself.

I snuggle closer, relishing the warmth that encompasses me as I do. Wow, I never thought I would use the word snuggle to describe something that I would do, but I suppose I just proved myself wrong. I don’t mind in reality. Being this close to Tsuzuki, it feels……safe. To have his emotions seeping into me, without feeling pain is a new experience to me. Compassion, protectiveness, affection, concern, understanding, those are the feelings that radiate off of him.

Although, even now, as I lay in his bed, resting my head on his chest, I can feel his walls. Tsuzuki’s life wasn’t much better than mine. He was rejected by those around him, hated, and alone, after his sister died. He still feels that pain, but it is in combination with the guilt that he constantly feels. I have more than once called him a baka for always taking things so personally, feeling that each person’s death was his fault. How can I help him, when I can’t even understand how he feels so much. It’s a wonder to me that he made it this long for me to show up.

I lift my head to gaze at his slumbering face. He looks so peaceful like this, and I can sense that he is truly content right now. As if to agree, he tightens his hold on me and nuzzles my head affectionately. It’s moments like this that I truly miss experiencing in my life. Not that I’m complaining now. I can only contentedly sigh as he drifts back into a deep slumber. I lift my hand up to brush back a lock of hair that is carelessly draped across his forehead. As I brush it back, his head turns, as if seeking my touch. I chance a smile at his sleeping form and slowly incline my head and give a soft kiss to his temple. As I pull back, I reflect on how our relationship came to this.

At first I thought Tsuzuki was a idiot slacker, with a major sweet-tooth, which did prove to be correct in some ways, but then again that wasn’t the real Tsuzuki. The real Tsuzuki was the one sitting in the flames of Touda, wanting to die. Feeling so much pain and guilt, it was overwhelming. But, it was at that moment that I realized something. I cared about Tsuzuki, maybe in a way that I didn’t understand at the time, but I reacted on that need. The need to be with Tsuzuki, near him, to feel his presence. My life sucked and I never thought that anyone could ever care about me, but Tsuzuki did. He showed me love. Yes, that is what he showed me, what it means to be loved. And I suppose I did love him then but it took me about a year more to understand that feeling. Even now, a year after Kyoto, I still feel the pain inside him. The guilt for existing. A burden so large it pushed him to the brink of insanity, until I called him back. I begged, pleaded for him not to leave me, and he stayed. He didn’t abandon me like every other person who has been important to be, he stayed.

Since then things have changed between us. For the first few weeks after the fire Tsuzuki was a wreck. Often waking up from nightmares, even after he was discharged from the infirmary. I stayed with him during that time, afraid that he may try to kill himself again, but I also stayed to help him. To be there for him, when he woke up from those nightmares. To hold him as he cried and to comfort him. I didn’t want to be apart from him, and after a while I ended up living at his house. There wasn’t any point in me having my own place when I spent most of my time at Tsuzuki’s, but even then we were just friends.

Our relationship remained that way up until a few months ago, when we were in Nagasaki eating dinner.

Flashback

It seemed normal enough. Drug to a restaurant, sit, eat, leave. At least, that’s all it was suppose to be. About half way through the meal I noticed that Tsuzuki was shielding more than usual. I wanted to ask him what was wrong but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even after all this time, I’m still not sure how to comfort someone, even though Tsuzuki says that I’m pretty good at it.

We go for a walk through the park. Tsuzuki’s idea of course. He spots an ice-cream stand and runs over to it. I can only sigh and wait for him to return, which he does with a huge ice cream cone. We continue our walk and I can’t stand it any more, I have to know what’s wrong.

“Tsuzuki……?”

“Yes, what is it Hisoka?”

“Tsuzuki…..What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Nothing is wrong.” As he puts on one of those fake smiles.

“No, Something is wrong, I there is, I’m an empath remember. Please tell me, I want to be able to help.”

“Hisoka, It’s nothing for you to worry about. I don’t want to burden you with my problems you have your own things to deal with and I don’t want you to add mine to that.”

“Idiot.” He winces at that. I can’t look at his face as I say this so I stare at my shoes. Who knew they were so fascinating, my shoes that is.

“Idiot. You help me with my problems, so why won’t you let me help you with yours. We’re partners that’s what we do, we help one another.”

“That’s it! It’s just………I can’t say……….”

“Tsuzuki, please tell me. I won’t turn away from you. You know you can tell me anything right……Or is it that you don’t trust me…..”

“Hisoka, no. It’s not that at all. I trust you. Really do. It’s just complicated that’s all….”

“If you trust me then you would tell me.” I start to walk away. I’m upset but I don’t want to admit it. A lone tear rolls down my cheek against my will. I bring my hand up to wipe it away, when it is grabbed by a larger hand. I raise my eyes and realize that I am staring directly into Tsuzuki’s eyes. It’s so painful to think that he doesn’t trust me enough to think that he won’t tell me what’s bothering him.

“Hisoka…”

I look back down. I refuse to look at him now. No, Does he realize how much he is hurting me. I feel his hand on my cheek, wiping away the trail the tear left behind. Slowly his hand moves to under my chin and raises my face so that I can see his. I’m shocked. The pained look on his face is only amplified by my empathy. I don’t know what to say.

“Hisoka. Please, listen to me. I do trust you, more than anyone else, but you shouldn’t have to deal with me or my problems. I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“How can I not.” I reply. “Your…..important… to me.”

He stops at this. Maybe I said something wrong. Then he smiles, a real smile.

“Well, your important to me as well ‘Soka’. But you shouldn’t be burdened by my feelings.”

“You idiot. I’m an empath people’s emotions bother me no matter what.”

He turns away. I suppose I hurt him with what I said.

“Sorry.” He says. “I never wanted ,my emotions to burden you.”

“Tsuzuki. I said people’s emotions burden me, not yours.”

He looks back at me when I say that. A look of surprise and something else.. hope…

“what do you mean Hisoka?”

I’m caught. What am I suppose to say. What do I want to say.

“Is there something you want to tell me ‘Soka’ ”

No, of course there isn’t but maybe….

“Is there something you want to tell me Tsuzuki?”

He hesitates then says. “Yes, there is something I want to tell you but I’m not sure how you will react.”

“You won’t know until you say it.” For some reason my heart is pounding in anticipation. I wonder why.

“Hisoka, I…..I. Love You….” He trails off.

To say I’m in shock would be an understatement, a huge understatement. How? When? Why?

“Why….?” The question slips out.

“Why?” He repeats. “Why not? Does it disgust you that I feel this way, if it does then I would understand if you want a different partner…”

“NO!” I interrupt. “No, I don’t want another partner and I’m not disgusted, it’s just…..”

“What, What is it Hisoka”

“I don’t understand how someone could love me. My parents didn’t even love me. I’m a demon with this cursed empathy. No one has ever loved me. I’m tainted by Muraki, his doll. I‘m someone’s possession , no one could even love me….”

“Hisoka” Suddenly I’m embraced. Tsuzuki’s arms surround me. I refuse t cry I won’t cry. But once again my body betrays me and a few tears escape. I can’t stand it. I clench my fists in his shirt and cry. I cry in a way that I haven’t since I was a young child. He holds me and mummers soothing words into my ear. I’ve never felt this way. Tsuzuki’s emotions are not of disgust or anger about what I said, only the usual compassion and understanding, but now I can feel it. The love there under the surface.

I look up at him and he smiles at me and kisses my forehead gently. I’ve never felt this way before. Is this what it’s like to be loved.

“Hisoka…I love you. Your parents make me sick. How could they not have loved you, you didn’t deserve that Hisoka, You deserve so much more. And you’re not a demon, a demon wouldn’t run into flames to bring me back. And your not tainted.” He pauses at that. “You are no one’s possession, and you are NOT HIS DOLL.” The anger behind those words is a little over whelming. “He does not own you and he did not taint you.”

I try to protest. “But Tsuzuki he did, he took my, my…” I can’t finish.

“That doesn’t mean anything Hisoka. To me you are still innocent. You are you. Until you willingly give that away, you are innocent. You are nothing like Muraki, so don’t even think that.” For a moment I though that he was the empath. How did he know. He smiles down and brushes away my tears.

“I will Never hurt you Hisoka, and I will never abandon you. But I need to know how you feel about me. Will you tell me, Please.” He tightens his hold on me.

I look down at my feet, there’s no way I can say those three words back. It’s not because I don’t feel that way, It’s because I don’t know how that feels. I look back up at him and say “I don’t know how I feel Tsuzuki.”

He looks at me curiously, his eyes searching my face. All of a sudden he smiles and leans in close. I can feel his breath on my ear.

“Well, I know a way to tell how you feel.” He says in a low voice directly into my ear.

“What….?” I manage to get out, blushing profusely.

He moves his face so that it is directly in front of mine, mere inches separate us.

“Would you rather kiss me on the cheek or on the lips?” He asks.

I’m stunned. I did not expect him to say something like that, but I start to think about it. ‘Which one would I rather do. I have no idea, but he is waiting for an answer, so I better do something. Okay, now what. I don’t know. Okay I have a plan. I’ll close my eyes and let fate decide where I kiss. Good plan right? Right. Okay here I go.’ I close my eyes and incline my face forward and I make contact with something, soft. I’m truly afraid to open my eyes but I have to know. So slowly, very slowly, I open my eyes and realize that I kissed him on the lips. ‘Dear God I didn’t expect that’.

I pull away, a little embarrassed. Tsuzuki is smiling, I don’t think I have ever felt such happiness coming off of him. But then again I never though I would be this happy either. As I look at him I realize that I do feel that way about it, but he better not expect me to turn all sappy, that’s not gonna happen.

Thankfully Tsuzuki changes the subject and starts to complain about how his ice-cream melted and that he has to get another one, but not before putting his arm around my shoulder. I lean into the casual embrace and let him lead me.

End Flashback

I look up at him again and wonder if he remembers that night as clearly as I do. ‘Probably, it’s not like him to forget something like that.’ I sigh again. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. After that night not much changed. We do the same things we use to- dinner, walks, movies, but it’s different because we know the other one cares. So no matter how many times I call him an idiot, he knows that I don’t mean it. As for affection, believe it or not but I am actually affectionate, who knew? Cuddling. Yes, I can honestly say I like cuddling. Hugs are good too. As far as kissing, on occasion we do, but I prefer to cuddle actually, not that I mind the kissing. It does make me a little nervous at times, this relationship. Bad memories don’t instantly fade, but it’s getting better. My nightmares aren’t as bad and neither are his, especially when we are lying like this.

Another sigh. I’ve been up half the night thinking and I have to work in the morning. Why do I do this to myself. Tsuzuki moans, I suppose he’s waking up.

“ ‘Soka’ What are you doing up?” he asks tiredly looking down at me cuddled up against his chest.

“Nothing much, just thinking.”

“About what?” Suddenly interested.

“Nothing really.”

“Come on tell me. It was me wasn’t it.”

‘Like I’d tell him he’s right’ “No I was just thinking about how long it’s going to take for you to pay back both me and Tatsumi.” I reply.

“ ‘Soka’ You’re so mean…” He says in his whining voice.

“Go back to sleep Tsuzuki”

“Okay, but you need to go to sleep to.”

“Fine.” I say trying to sound reluctant. I place my head on his chest again and listen to his heart beat. Surprisingly, I suddenly feel very tired. Then I here a soft voice very close to my ear.

“I love you.” He says quietly as I slowly drift of to sleep.

“I love you too.” I whisper as I fall asleep. The last thing I remember is feeling Tsuzuki kiss my forehead before I fall fast sleep.

End

Hello!

2007-02-19T15:32:27Z

Hello out there! I finally decided to get my own journal after reading a lot of other people's. I'm a writer at this time on fanfiction.net, and I'm going to continue to write there, as well as here! So hello everyone!